UPDATE

Dear Readers,

Today I am just updating you so you know where things stand, generally, because I don't want to leave you hanging not knowing what's going on with me right now.

When I stopped writing the blog posts the end of last year, it was because I need to 'get out there', before it's too late and I run out of time to LIVE my life. Sitting here typing takes time, energy and focus away from my attempting to have more of my needs met, and hopefully make more of my dreams come true! I thought I would finally be ready to go do something about all that, as this new year began, but the projects I have been working on all seem to take longer than I think they will. I have been making significant progress, working my way down that lengthy 'To Do List', since I wasn't spending the hours, that it normally takes me, to write each blog, sitting here typing, for the last three months. I'm still not finished with all those things that I need to do, despite the 'Finish Line' coming into view, more clearly, now, with each thing I complete and cross off the list. Sometimes, when I get one of these things done, it causes me to realize that, a NEW project needs to be ADDED to my list, so I don't really gain any ground, with getting through all of these things. I also still have the old PC, with the, tired, keyboard, that now skips spaces as I type on it, causing me to have to back up and fix those gaps in words.

>sigh!<

What I have wanted to share with you-- enough to resume writing my blog-- are things that I have been learning, and struggling with, and, trying, to make peace with, in my life here. Things that have made me angry -- even ENRAGED. Things that have hurt me. Things that, very nearly, caused me to abandon what matters to me, just to flee from the relentless stress of having to deal with other peoples' BULLSHIT. There is nowhere on the planet to go to find guaranteed peace though so there really is NO ESCAPE from these people in or aligned with the clique, who have made my life so miserable here; or others like them. I almost allowed them to run me off, including from the aspects of my life that do make me happy-- just to BE RID OF THEM. But when I recovered from my RAGE at them from the most recent round of their CRAP I saw that THEY are NOT WORTH my losing the GOOD things in my life over! I was talking with a neighbor, yesterday, who asked me if I were moving, which could have been because I was outside with a suitcase I was taking to the dumpster or even just because EVERYTHING about my life seems to get GOSSIPED ABOUT, here, and I had asked a few neighbors for empty boxes, if they had any to spare, from their deliveries and such, around the time that I also considered moving away, because of the clique. Several residents actually moved away, from this, otherwise idyllic, place to live, and cited the clique as their main reason, or as one of their most compelling reasons. Even though, I've been their main target-- from my FIRST day here, and for 2 1/2 YEARS, now-- I hadn't ever seriously contemplated moving away from here for any reason, including because of them-- despite the, TRULY HORRIBLE, GOSSIP, RUMORS, and OUTRIGHT LIES, that they have SPREAD, ABOUT ME, HERE-- until, last month, when I became SO ENRAGED that I almost decided to do that. That would have been a real tragedy, though, because there is so much that is good about my life here, now, IN SPITE OF THEM, and because I would have lost everything that matters most, to me, in my life, just to get these bitches out of my life. THEY ARE, WHO THEY ARE. I said to the neighbor who asked me yesterday if I were moving that my living here's a TRUE MIRACLE FROM GOD that HE DID FOR ME, and that it's actually SATAN who comes to steal, kill, and destroy; that the devil seems to do A LOT of his work on this earth through people-- who consider themselves 'good' Christians; and that I realized, it was not wise, or worth it, to let go of this, one-and-only, Desire Of My Heart, that I have EVER HAD, in MY LIFE, because of these people, when it is not even about who I AM, but about who THEY are, and THEIR LACK OF CHARACTER.

So, I need to stop, for now, because, I really have gotten ALOT more DONE, since I stopped blogging for awhile, but I still have more that I need to do, so I can get out of the house, alot more, to try to make more of my dreams come true. I want to have more FUN in my life, and hope for a summer romance if I meet someone! Sometime this month I will write the post about these things I am learning, about me, my life, and how I want to live it, and who I will allow in it-- or not!-- though.