My favorite nanny job was in Wappingers Falls, near Poughkeepsie in upstate New York. That being said, it was, still, nowhere near ideal, by a long shot. There were problems from the very beginning and those got steadily worse, overshadowing it all, eventually, to the point of ruin. I loved the kids I was there to care for though, more than any others I was a nanny to, during all my forays into that career field. They were the ones I truly got attached to; so my heart broke, over leaving them. Especially knowing the situation they were in, with no one, that should have been there, for them, being there, for them, for a variety of reasons. My own childhood had been shattered by my parents' marital problems which came out of the same self-centeredness, that these girls' parents demonstrated. People don't realize, or really think, hard, about, or care, enough, about the harm their marital problems end up causing the children who are in the middle of that. Parents are at the core of a child's sense of security, and stability. When that is eroded, it is like the solid ground they had thought they were standing on turns to shifting sand under their feet. It never feels alright, again, after that, to a child. I know, firsthand, because my life was, deeply, affected by this, growing up, and I saw it again, with these 4 girls, that I was hired to be the nanny for. Just like, it had done to me, it changed their lives, and them. Far too often innocents pay for the sins of the perpetrators.
My divorce, from Tom, was finalizing, including my financial support which the Air Force required him to provide me, as his dependent, while still, legally, married. I also, sadly, would now be required to relinquish my military dependent ID as well, meaning that I could no longer go onto the Air Force base on my own, so I had to leave all my, fun, and freeing, social whirl behind me. Tom had been in Korea and living with his yobo. When I found that out, I wanted a divorce; and I had moved to an apartment directly across from the Air Force base, in order to access all the amenities, and, the eager-to-chase-me servicemen, for some flirting, and fun, of my own as the balm for my broken heart. Because I dated these military men on my terms for a change, it didn't present the problems that it had, for me, when I was enlisted, myself, and, was even stationed at this very base. The worst, of my encounters, with men in the military, when I was serving, was when my, married, commander, attempted to force me into a sexual relationship with him. I refused, but experiencing that was so traumatic for me that it cost me my military career, because I realized I couldn't function, and certainly couldn't thrive, as an Airman, in that environment. My military record had been exemplary, prior to that time. I had enjoyed the, harmless, flirtation, and all the dates, I had gone on, during my divorce from Tom. He had acted more like, a rebellious, ungrateful, teenage, son, to me, than a husband, in any way. I had to decide what to do next, with my life, at this point. That marriage had been such a huge disappointment. In every way.
I was 30 years old, by this time, and already getting my third divorce! Although I had always looked younger than my actual age, it was still, generally, considered to be 'getting up there' in age for being an exotic dancer, so I thought I would try employment using the Caregiver skills, I also had, at this point, to see if a nanny job could finally get any real traction. There are plenty of challenges in doing this kind of domestic employment however, not the least of which is that you have to live where you work and work where you live. This causes the job to overshadow everything about your own life, 24/7. It also tends to greatly magnify what is not working well with the situation since, with no escaping it, it works on your nerves until it can seem overwhelming. A little irritation can quickly become a huge turn off, when you can't ever get any mental, emotional, or physical, distance, from it. I had something to offer this industry as a former Certified Nursing Assistant and homemaker. My being somewhat older than many nannies was considered a plus as well due to having more 'life experience', in general. The agency had matched me with this family because I was older than the usual nannies that were in their late teens or early twenties, and this family, I was interviewing with, was a single father, who was gone for several days at a time, every week, as a traveling route salesman, and 4 daughters. Elementary-school twins, aged 9, or so, as I recall, a middle-school-aged, 12-year-old, and, a 16-year-old, in high school. There was a concern that a, very young, nanny would be too close to the ages of the children, themselves, to be able to ever be taken seriously as the adult figure in the home.
Much of what this father, hiring me, should have been concerned about was what he was bringing into this situation, himself, though. None of which I had any idea about, at the time that I was interviewing for the job, over the phone. I wouldn't be there very long at all before I started to see what was going on, which was an abdication of his parental responsibilities, to these young girls, who all absolutely adored their dad. This situation was about to engulf me, in a real-life soap opera. This was the one nanny job I could have stayed in, quite happily, for many years, if not for the sordid situation finally making that both, impossible, and unsafe, for me. Before it was all over I would have my life threatened and be subpoenaed to testify in court. Books have been written, about nightmare nannies, but based on what I went through, as a live-in nanny to several families, I would definitely say that the families, hiring the nannies, bring alot of dysfunction and toxicity, to the situation. I would end up returning to dancing, in the nightclubs, in Omaha, after this go-round of New York nanny misadventures, was all said and done, if only to recover from it! I had never thought that, being a nanny, could put me in danger of being killed, like being a dancer had done. Not from Mafia. From my employer!
Back then, these interviews were done using, landline, telephones, and except for the photographs, of the nanny, which were required, by the agency, and provided to the family hiring her, it was, all, done 'sight unseen'. There was no internet. No Skype, or Zoom. No smart phones. The prospective nanny wasn't given photos of the family. It was all approached as if the nanny had everything to prove, but the family, hiring her, were all, perfectly acceptable people. I did have more than one phone call during the process, with this family, though. The father, whom I would be working for, spoke with me, first, and explained that he and his wife were in a divorce, and that since 'she is crazy' he had full custody of their children and had retained the family residence as well, but that she was allowed to come there for, legally scheduled, visitations, to see the girls. He told me that he wanted to have this close, female, family friend who was extremely concerned about this family's situation, call and speak with me. So then, she also spoke with me by phone and asserted that the mother of these girls was mentally unstable; and, that she was helping Gerry, their father, to find a suitable live-in nanny, because of him having custody, but being gone so much of the time due to his job. Finally, he called me, again, and this time he put each one of his 4 daughters on the phone with me, to be able to weigh in with their own opinions about me. They had previous nannies which had not worked out, so they were trying to get the right one this time. The girls were charming! Not long after, I left Omaha, Nebraska for upstate New York.
Sadly, and, rather shockingly, to me, my initial introduction to Gerry's hospitality, toward me as a newcomer to his home life, only lasted as long as a pizza we had after he picked me up at the airport. As we met, and talked together, from there, to the pizzeria, and the restaurant, to his house, I felt comfortable with him, and welcomed! It is never easy to uproot yourself from everything you know, in your own life, and go somewhere completely new to live and work among people that you have never even met before. Especially when it's in the intimate setting of a private home where everyone knows everyone, except you. Within an hour or so of my arrival, though, when I had only barely introduced myself to the girls, and hadn't even become familiar with the layout of the house, yet, Gerry complained about his having to pick up the trunk with my belongings that I brought with me, for this move that I had just made, halfway across the United States, in order to help his family, as if, I had asked too much, of him. That, wasn't very welcoming. He actually lost his temper, when I wrote an item on the grocery list that I didn't see in the kitchen, so that I could make something that the girls were asking me for, also. I had barely been there an hour, but he actually SHOUTED that I should LOOK FIRST, because it was THERE. It was such a sudden and stinging departure from how he had been, before, on the phone with me, during the interviews, and how congenial and gracious he had seemed, in the pizzeria, that it did more than simply shock me. It SHOOK ME. I wondered what I had gotten myself into, and I was not sure, now, that I was glad that I had. I started to question that decision.
I'd only arrived late the previous day, as a complete stranger, to these people, to live with this family and care for his kids, when Gerry left early the next morning for the start of his workweek. In the phone interviews, that I'd had, with him, he had, significantly, misrepresented, to me, how much, and how long at a time, he would be totally absent, from this home, and, his daughters. He covered a multi-state sales route, for his company. But, after seeing that he was, basically, a full-time-ABSENTEE-father, I couldn't imagine, why any court had agreed to give him total custody of these children! As it turned out, he was NEVER home, during the weekdays, during ANY week that I worked there, for months. He left early, every Monday morning, and never returned, AT ALL, until Friday evening. After supper. He was GONE--- 24/7--- during the ENTIRE workweek. I was being paid $150.00 a week, plus the room and board a live-in nanny receives due to living where we work. That wasn't alot of pay to begin with, but it was almost an obscenely small amount of compensation, for Gerry making me solely responsible for running his entire household, in EVERY way, and taking care of ALL of the needs of his FOUR children for 107 CONSECUTIVE HOURS, week after week after week. That meant that my pay was equivalent to $1.40 an hour! When I would bring it up to Gerry, rightfully asserting that I was wrongly being left on duty, by him, for far too long (and was not what we agreed to in the interview process), as a block of time, he skirted around the issue, only saying that he did not want me using those words around the girls because they took it as me saying 'doody' which to them meant human fecal waste. He was simply trying to silence me, because, he had a great thing going for himself and didn't want me--- one of the VICTIMS of his (hidden) agendas--- spoiling it for him. Since I was otherwise happy with the job I stayed.
As I was seeing, from the very start, that this man had not been straight with me about much of anything he had told me, about this job, however, I did call up the nanny agency that had placed me there, to discuss my concerns with them. They were no help to me, whatsoever. They basically told me that they had placed me, as their product, into this situation and had been paid, for that, by Gerry. He had indicated to them (OF COURSE!), when they asked him how I was doing, that he was VERY PLEASED, with my efforts on behalf of his home and family, which was EXCELLENT work, I was doing, and, a TOTAL BARGAIN, for HIM; and they did not want to have to deal with their CLIENT NOT BEING HAPPY. So, they left me there with no remedy or correction, to my being taken full advantage of, except for me to quit, and finance my own way back home or to somewhere else. So, I had NO SUPPORT, FROM ANYONE, in this situation. I really did like these 4 girls, though! The Middle Child Syndrome* reared its head with Roslyn, the 12-year-old, which made it much more challenging for me dealing with her, than with anyone else. I did continue to use the word "duty", with Gerry, to remind him that this WAS my JOB, after all. He was already taking great advantage of me as my employer, and having been a nanny, before, I had already learned by now that, in these, live-in, nanny situations it's important to prevent the family you work for from forgetting that you, also, need, deserve, and even require, time off to yourself, to do things FOR YOU. Things that you want to do, versus, what you have to do, for a change. At least Gerry returned home every weekend to his daughters, so I had those off.
Wappingers Falls, was a charming, family-oriented, village, in a beautiful area, of upstate New York. It was surrounded by everything, that I personally could want, to explore, and enjoy. From taking the commuter train, into New York City, along the beautiful Hudson River, to going to an art festival in Rhinebeck. This was also the first nanny job that provided me with a car, and even better, it was dedicated solely to my use. I believe it was the old 'classic' that Gerry drove as his first car, back when he was in school, but that was exactly the type of car I had also been given by my parents as my first car when I was in school. So, it didn't bother me at all, that is was old and not 'flashy' in any way. It ran really well and it took me everywhere, that I needed, and wanted, to go, throughout the area. Including to the new Galleria mall, in nearby Poughkeepsie, which was the largest mall there, in Dutchess County. So, I was happy. I found a great church there, and attended social outings, like pool parties, and cookouts, at their homes. I even, met a guy, in that same church, whom I dated, for awhile. It had seemed, to be turning into something serious, between us, but, something in my gut told me that he wasn't really right for me. (It would be another decade or so, before I finally figured out that, honestly, I just really do not like being married, in general; or tied down, to some guy, that ends up, taking me for granted, or, mistreating me. I LIKE BEING SINGLE--- STAYING SINGLE. To this day. I DON'T feel 'deprived' living THIS way; but I did, often, feel deprived, in relationships, as in, short-changed!) I went out dancing one night, on my own, just to let off some steam after meeting so many other peoples' needs, as a nanny, that was sometimes at the expense of meeting my own. It was some 'R & R', for ME. So, I was well-immersed in, and integrated with, this community. It was a great place, to live! Honestly, I could quite happily have lived there forever and never left. I REALLY liked that area, and the life that I lived, there. Moreso on my days off, than my days on. But, for the most part, it was, a pretty pleasant lifestyle, for me, there. I really fell in love, with New York!
There was alot more to Gerry's long absences than his work ethic, though, which was revealed to me when he finally came home at the end of my first, full, week there. That Friday, as he arrived back home, for the first time, all week, since he had left Monday morning, he got home around mid-afternoon. I dutifully took his luggage, to remove his laundry, from it, so that I could wash that, for him. There was NO--- NO!--- WORK clothing, at all, in the entire suitcase--- as, in, N-O-N-E! There were beach-style shirts with bright, bold, prints and shorts, and such. This man had just gone, right out the front door, not even, a full 24-hours, after I had arrived. A total stranger. Who had come to live in his home and care, directly, for his own, vulnerable, children. And, aside from a couple of, 5-minute, phone calls, he was nowhere to be seen, or heard from, ALL WEEK. So, CLEARLY, he was NOT 'working', based on, his job description, and the laundry, loaded into the washing machine. So, WHERE HAD HE BEEN?!? The girls weren't home from school yet so after starting the washing machine I went upstairs to the main floor of the house and I confronted Gerry. I could not believe, that he had not chosen to be close to home, for my FIRST WEEK WORKING THERE; especially, for his kids' sake, with a complete newcomer, under their roof, who might have even needed his help, with something, while learning the job duties, there. Or, what if I'd had an emergency, of some kind, and had needed to be able to contact him (which, he didn't provide me; only saying he would call home as he was able when out on his sales route)?
I was shocked at what he answered me, when I said to him, "Gerry, none of your laundry was work clothes, at all. So, would you please tell me where you actually were, during my first week working here?" Without looking, at all, uncomfortable, embarrassed, or ashamed, he explained all the dark details so easily, without any hedging or hesitation. He told me, "I was with [that female 'family friend' that he had also had me do a phone interview with for this job]. We went away together! We're in love, and are, actually, having an affair, because we're both still married. I met her through her husband, who is a friend of mine. He bores her, though, as he never wants to go anywhere, or do anything--- just sit, at home. She, likes to go places, and do things. I really like her style. So we got involved. My kids don't know, though, so don't say anything, to them. All in good time. I want to involve her, and her daughter, in their lives, gradually, because, they love their mother. I want us to end up together, though, at some point." I asked him if his friend had any idea that he was having this affair, with his wife, and Gerry said no, and that his friend didn't appreciate this amazing woman, so, that justified him having the affair, with this man's wife, since he DID appreciate her. I stood there, aghast, at all he poured out to me about this situation while he looked very pleased about it all. Talk about 'dirty laundry'! All I could think about, was how much it could hurt the girls. He was divorcing their mother, whom I hadn't met yet, and already had another woman, waiting in the wings, to become a 'stepmother' to his daughters. He was willing, to break up two families, and hurt everyone else involved, for her.
Despite my having to work alot of hours, for a puny paycheck, I was glad that he wasn't going to be home much, at that point. I hated to keep secrets, from these girls. But, more than that, I dreaded what would happen, when they finally found out what his plans were, for their family to take on a completely different form--- as, he added, this woman, and her daughter, to all of their lives. What if the girls were not okay with all of that? How did their own mother figure into this picture? How was Gerry going to make it work? How would his 4 daughters, whom he was very close to, cope with it? Could they accept it? Or would it destroy them, or the close relationship with their father, whom all these girls completely adored. I was already feeling ill-at-ease, caught in the middle between an employer's directives and the girls that I truly loved, almost like they were my own. When Gerry would tell the girls that his bedroom was locked, all week, while he was gone (primarily because his wife came to the house for her visitations with her daughters and he didn't want her snooping around in there) even though he had given me a key to go in there so that I could clean it, I was left scrambling for an explanation when the extremely observant 16-year-old, Valerie, would ask me, how was it possible that his room looked and smelled so clean and fresh, when they went in there on Friday evenings, to watch TV, and spend time with him, when he came home, for the weekends. I'm not a good liar, because, I don't like lies, to begin with. I think lies always lead to a bad conclusion; whether, that means, a thought, or, a result.
Gerry had called home, briefly, once or twice, the first week, that I worked there, and after talking with each of his 4 daughters he also asked me how it was going. After about the second week, he never bothered, to talk with me, at all, on those phone calls. Only to the girls, relying, solely, on the perspective of these children, to inform him of how things were going at home. That didn't give me a chance to discuss any of my concerns, with him, such as some of Roz's behaviors becoming problematic. I would have preferred, and, at times, even needed, his guidance as her father on the best way for me to deal with those things. When I began telling the girls, to make sure that he didn't hang up, until he and I also spoke, on those infrequent phone calls, the last one to speak with him would end up telling me he said, he had to go, once they had finished talking, and hung up. Perhaps, there is a compliment for me, in there, somewhere. Meaning that, as I continued working for him, Gerry felt quite secure about the fact that I continued doing an excellent job managing all the responsibilities for this household and family, in his absence, and therefore saw no real need from his point of view for us to converse with one another, about any, of it. He had said, that, since I came to work there, his house had never been cleaner, and, his girls seemed happy with me there. So, he didn't feel that it was necessary to find out whether there were any problems, issues or difficulties that I had along the way, which needed addressing. I felt frustrated at times that he never acknowledged that I may have concerns myself to ask about. He simply never took that into account which caused me to feel both disregarded and disrespected, and even angry, at times, depending on what wasn't discussed, between the two of us, that I think should have been; if only to show his support. So, we did not discuss anything all week, while he was away, and when he finally got home, Friday evenings, he would tell me that he needed to spend some time with his girls, after being gone. I wasn't even married to or romantically involved with this guy. But I still became his frustrated, resentful 'housewife', after awhile.
Gerry basically rarely bothered to communicate with me. At most he did that to a minimum; whether he was away all week, and was calling home, or when he was actually there on the weekends. However, when he came home, on Fridays, and I was on the phone with my boyfriend making plans for that weekend, Gerry would insist that I get off the phone and come with him to go grocery shopping, that he otherwise, did not need me for, or include me in. The one time that my boyfriend, who was from my church there, stopped by the house, with his pet cockatiel with him, in its cage, because he thought the girls would really enjoy seeing the tricks the bird could do, Gerry got upset, about his being there, and told me not to ever allow him in his home, again. It was just as well, I suppose. The girls delighted in the antics of this animal, so my guy had opted to leave the bird behind for awhile as a way to get the girls' minds off the situation, of their parents getting divorced and such. I felt uneasy, about that, though--- knowing, what the cockatiel meant, to him, and being well aware, that Roz would often act out, in ways that were, at times, mischievous, and were, sometimes, simply troublemaking for its own sake. Sure enough, when I went back, to check on the safety of the bird, because, Roz, had lingered nearby, where he had left it, on the screened-in back porch, still out of its cage, she was trying to get it to fly, out the door! I put a stop to it, and had my guy take his pet and leave. Roslyn was the only one, of the girls, I considered to be a 'problem child', and sometimes she would deliberately create trouble that seemed to be aimed specifically at making life difficult or upsetting for me. While chalking it up to, her being, the middle child, stuck between, the older sister, and the younger twins, and, her anger, at the loss, of her mother, in the home, it still made it harder, for me, to ever really feel close to Roz, like I felt with the other 3 girls. Behaviors have consequences, and cause reactions, in others, whether, you are an adult, or a child. Roslyn was beautiful, smart, and talented, and I admired so much, about her. But, she did, frequently, cause me to feel put off, toward her, when she would undermine me, and do whatever she could to make my job, and therefore my life, more difficult. Valerie told me that Roz pulled shenanigans with a former nanny, too, which was one reason Gerry hired an older nanny, this time.
Valerie, the 16-year-old, and I, had the two bedrooms downstairs, in this middle-class, split-level home. The garage, a laundry room, a half-bath, and a den, were what comprised the rest of the lower floor. When I first arrived, I was very aware of the fact that, this teenager, was only 14 years younger, than I was! So, as she came into my bedroom, to get to know me better, I described how, the two of us, reminded me of the scene in the movie, 'The Sound Of Music', where, 'Maria', the live-in nanny, was talking with the oldest daughter, 'Liesl', in her bedroom, as the girl asserted that she was too old, to need a nanny, and the caregiver responded, with, 'Well, then, you and I can just be good friends'. It felt that way, to me, with Val and I, too. She had an eccentric habit of 'preening' me by standing in back of me when I was seated somewhere and plucking out my first gray hairs that were appearing among my almost-black strands, even though I was only 30 (Roz gave me, a few, of those, gray hairs, too, while I was there, I feel sure!). Birds do this to one another as bonding behavior. I allowed it from Val, because it seemed she was coming from a point of view of doing something caring, toward me. (It could be, fairly well, assumed, that MOST young women DON'T WANT gray hair, so she removed those, from my head, seemingly to be helpful.) All 4 of these girls were personable, smart, amazing, people, and I truly loved them! Even though Roslyn could provoke me into feel angry, toward her, at times, due to her rebelliousness and troublemaking stunts she pulled, I also felt a great deal of deep compassion, for her. One night, after I had scolded her for something earlier in the evening, I went to check on the girls, to see if they were all asleep in their bedrooms on the main level of the house, before I went downstairs, to go to bed. Both twins, were asleep, in their bunkbeds, in their room. Roz, had fallen asleep, in her room, with a book, that she had been reading, slipping from her hand. As I slid it away, from her hand, without waking her, my heart just went out, to her, for, how lonely, she must feel, so often, for so many reasons. She was the hardest to love, but it was only because of her 'bad' behaviors she chose to engage in; and she NEEDED the love. More, than ANYONE, in that family, I believe. I knew, that her, irresponsible, antics merely meant that she was in pain. Pain that she acted out of, but couldn't find a way, at 12 years old, to, really articulate. She actually reminded me alot of me growing up feeling so much pain from the problems between my own parents.
There were more, heartbreaking, layers, to this dysfunctional family drama, that Gerry was instigating, at the expense of everyone; even, in the extended family. As I learned more about those things, along the way, I sometimes felt surprised, shocked, or sad, due to my love and concern for these girls that I cared for, who were being affected by it all in various ways, beginning with the disintegration of the two-parent home, and intact family, they had always had as their foundation before, Gerry, decided, to discredit, and divorce, their mother. He could be cruel, about that, at times. My feeling is that if men in general were more mature, and less jerks, there would be so much less destruction, and suffering. The first time that I saw Gerry behave coldly in a way that directly affected his daughters, was when the girls were to participate in the Confirmation service, at their parish. As an Italian family, they considered themselves to be of the Catholic faith**, even though they never once attended any church service or Catholic Mass during my time there, except for this one. Gerry dutifully made sure that the girls had their Confirmation. It took place not long after I had arrived to be their nanny. I can't recall, now, how many, of the 4, took part, in this official Church ceremony, and which ones, may have already had their Confirmation. The twins, Geraldine, and Jackie, were the ones this was for, I believe. But, due to the age span, that girls, usually, go through this, it could have been, any, or all, of the 4 girls. I think the reason I don't even remember that, now, is because, although I was present, at the ceremony, it wasn't where my focus was emotionally during this, significant, life event. I was feeling ill at ease, because Gerry had insisted, that I use one of the allotted tickets, the parish issued, to the families involved, because of space limitations; which, was intended, for their mother to attend. In order to prevent that. Because, I had never even met her, at that time, to know what she looked like, I don't know if she managed to be there, anyway, in an overflow gallery, of spectators, or not. She should've been there, up close, front and center, though.
When the Confirmation ceremony was over Gerry drove us to a store to purchase something that he needed, before heading home. He went in alone, leaving the 5 of us sitting in the car. It was a beautiful, warm, day, so, the windows were rolled down. He wasn't gone long but in those few minutes an older woman approached one of the back windows, and began speaking to the girls about the Confirmation and their thoughts, on the experience they had just had. I assumed that this was some kindly parishioner, making lovingly polite conversation. The girls did not tell me who she was or introduce us to one another. They did tell her that I was their new nanny, but the woman didn't introduce herself to me, or really converse with me directly, and I didn't want to intrude on whatever connection she had with the girls. It must have been a couple of MONTHS later when I saw 'Roz' (Roslyn) just standing, somewhere in the house where I had never seen her, or anyone, stand, before, which was in the dining room. We never used it, since Gerry wasn't home for family meals all week, and the girls and I simply ate at the kitchen table. She was just staring out the window at something so I went over and asked her what she was looking at. Her answer, truly, floored me! During my time there the girls RARELY expressed ANY emotions verbally about all that they were going through, with their parents divorce, and the divide it caused, within their family. This brief conversation, between Roz and I, stood out to me, even more, because that was the case. She told me, that she was looking at the house right next door. When I asked her why, she told me that it was because her grandparents lived there!
I was incredulous, at what I was hearing! I just could not BELIEVE, these special, and significant, people in the lives of these 4 girls were living RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THEM, ALL THIS TIME, and NO ONE had TOLD ME ANYTHING, AT ALL, ABOUT THAT! It turned out, that the older woman, who had, hesitantly, dared to stop by their car, after the Confirmation, had been this grandmother, Rose. I felt sad, for the girls, and angry at Gerry, because, when I asked Roz, why the girls were not visiting, their own grandparents, whom they loved, so deeply, she told me it was because their father had told them not to. They were their mother's parents who were living right next door; apparently, because all these people used to be such close family before Gerry decided to divorce their daughter. Even more bizarre to me, it turned out that the girls' own MOTHER was ALSO there at times and EVEN THEN, they were not ALLOWED by Gerry to GO OVER THERE. I simply could NOT understand it! These little girls were basically being deprived of both their actual parents, and their grandparents, and were, primarily, being raised by a nanny--- ME! It all seemed, not only ridiculous, to me, but, really, wrong. By the time this happened, I had met the girls' mother, and had interacted with her several times during her home visitations, with the girls. While, I am not a trained psychiatrist, she and I had, several, conversations, and I felt, very, comfortable, that she was NOT 'crazy' (THE STANDARD EXCUSE AND DISCLAIMER THAT MEN USE AGAINST WOMEN when THE MEN don't want to bother to do what it takes to have healthy, happy, relationships with these women. These men decide that it is simply easier to discredit the women, than to change themselves, or do the right thing by their marriage, or their family). I heard SO MANY MEN, that I talked to, while dancing, in the nightclubs, say, of THEIR relationships, as THE explanation, for WHY it had not worked out, that "She was just CRAZY!" that I began to recognize it as being what IGNORANT, and SELFISH, MALES, say, to LET THEMSLEVES OFF THE HOOK, in order to AVOID ANY RESPONSIBILITY, for WHAT'S WRONG, in the relationship.Regardless of the sins of the parents I hated to see the situation being negatively impactful on their 4 daughters, who had done nothing, to cause any of this. They were being denied the comforting presence of their loved ones, too. So, that very evening, that I saw Roslyn staring so longingly out the window, wistfully trying to catch a glimpse of her grandparents, whom she loved so dearly, I broke this rule, of Gerry's, which, I thought, was cold, callous, and cruel, that, he had apparently inflicted on his obedient daughters. I told Roslyn to 'Go outside, through the back door, and play'; and I made it CLEAR, to her, what I MEANT, by that. I told her, to simply tell me, whenever she wanted, or needed, to, that she was 'going outside, to play', and JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT. It was something that, these girls didn't do, in actuality, while I was there; making it our 'code word', for her slipping away to be with her grandparents next door for awhile. So, she slipped out the back door, and I watched from that dining room window, until she got to their door, before I gave her privacy, and space, for that tender moment. If Gerry found out about it, and got mad at me, or fired me, for that, then SO BE IT. He was content to be an absentee father, for the most part, and to trust ME to know how to, best, care for his home and family which was a big responsibility I shouldered all by myself the majority of the time that I was there. I was WEARY of his HATEFUL rules, and his SELFISHNESS; with him, having the time of his life, in his, adulterous, love affair, while, depriving, his own children, of experiencing affectionate relationships, with their family members, that they so needed; especially now. I saw NO REASON for the girls to HAVE TO BE DEPRIVED of that healing, helpful, anchor, in THEIR lives. Especially since their mother only saw them briefly, for scheduled visitations, and their father was almost never home. Otherwise all they had was me as the nanny.
I was around whenever their mother came for her visitations with the girls at the house. In getting to know her, I viewed her as a somewhat silly, but goodhearted person, who was 'being the better person'--- by far, in comparison, to Gerry--- of the two of them in this divorce. She, always, had a smile on her face! She wasn't crying, carrying on, acting enraged, or doing anything destructive. She just loved her girls, and, she loved spending those precious hours with them. There came a point, that she poured out her heart to me, about how helpless, she felt, that she had been so discredited by Gerry in the legal proceedings, and her concern about the impact of it all on the children. I shared her observations and concerns about that. So, I said to her what should have been obvious, to her own attorney, or to her; that, if I, were in her shoes, with, so much, at stake, regarding my children, that I would most likely subpoena someone who would have to testify under oath about what was ACTUALLY GOING ON in this family. Someone, who would KNOW, FIRST HAND. The NANNY. Her eyebrows raised in surprise, as the light bulb went on in her head about something that she had not considered before, which could greatly help her case. Not long after, I was served with a summons to appear, for a court hearing, about the custody of the children, and all matters, related to the family situation. Also, Valerie came to me, one evening, and said that her mother wanted to stay the night with her, one weeknight, in her room, and I replied that, since she closed her door, at night, at bedtime, I HAD NO IDEA, what went on, in HER room, nor, did I 'officially' WANT to KNOW; and I left it, at that, for the most part. After all, I had also been allowing and frankly even encouraging, Roz, to 'go play outside', so that she could go next door, to see her grandparents, who loved these girls so deeply and LITERALLY lived RIGHT NEXT DOOR. That child NEEDED those people, IN her life! ESPECIALLY, during this family upheaval. So I allowed it.
The girls' mother had made some mistakes, though, which contributed greatly to the demise of her marriage. She'd always adored, 'dolling up' her daughters, but they were growing up, now, to the point that they didn't really need or want that being done to them, so much, anymore. So, she began collecting actual dolls; an outlet, which gave her a different place to channel this doting desire. Captivating her, to the point that it became an, unhealthy, obsession, the family home began to be overrun, with these dolls. Sitting all around, everywhere; was how this was explained, to me. It began to concern Gerry, as it should have, at that point. But, it had also caused him to feel that, the large majority of, his wife's attention, and affection, was with these inanimate objects. The Male Ego, never enjoys taking a back seat to someone, or something, else, that is distracting, and diverting, their woman's affections, away, from them. Men begin to feel, that they aren't getting the attention, that they should, be getting, in that relationship. So, not to excuse it, but if another woman enters the picture, and behaves toward this man like he is the center of her universe, that he is desirable and so forth, a man's affections can become alienated, from the neglectful wife, and bonded, to the woman, that makes him feel important and wanted. Gerry's wife also made the situation even more distasteful to him, when she, being home all day as a homemaker, allowed some strangers--- who were Jehovah's Witnesses--- which, many, consider to be a cult, to get their foot in the door. Literally; as she invited them into their home, when they knocked on the door, in order to gain access, to prosthelytize. She did this on several occasions. Once you allow them access to you or your home, they are extremely encouraged, by that, and become, very difficult, to ever stop, from coming around, after that. So, these things made her come across as a very silly, gullible, woman. Especially to Gerry. Which made it easy, for him, to simply write her off, as being "crazy"; especially when his own affections transferred from this mother of his 4 amazing, and beautiful, children, to the wife of one of his friends.
Gerry would write a check, to pay me with, at the end of every week. One week, he handed me my paycheck, but, he told me that it would not do me any good if trying to cash it then, because it wasn't good for the funds. I was not really sure what he meant, at first, as I could not imagine him having me work, these really long hours, with so much responsibility for so many things, and then stiff me out of my pay, after all that! Sure enough though, I took it to the bank and they told me they could not cover it, from his account. I was upset, and told him that he'd better make good, on the money, because I certainly earned it--- and then some (being underpaid, for all my services as his nanny, as I was, because I did all the housework, and all the child care, and anything and everything else that needed to get done for his home and family). He did make it right that time but later on, when I left the job, he never gave me my final paycheck, getting a week's worth of work, out of me, for free. Gerry was a jerk, in my view. Sadly, that means, he was 'a typical man'; in my opinion, of his gender. I think the week he didn't have the funds to pay me in his account was the same week that he came home early telling me enthusiastically that someone talked him into ordering several custom made shirts, which he felt would make him look more affluent and sophisticated. He stood in the kitchen, modeling one for me, after he had first come home and run them through the washing machine in HOT water. He said that someone had advised him to do that so they would fit him even better. These were cotton. So, the sleeve length also shrank. He kept asking me, if that was noticeable, as if to somehow undo the damage to them, by being told what he wanted to hear. But, now, the sleeves were too short, and too tight at the cuffs, so it didn't look good on him, at all. There he stood, in the kitchen, showing me these new clothes, he had spent all this money on, that he probably couldn't afford, to begin with, and he kept tugging on the cuffs, trying to make the sleeves look long enough again. I'm not sure what he ever did with all those shirts. Gerry was a fairly small man. In height, build, and character. But, now, his shrunken shirts were even smaller!
As he started to bring his girlfriend, his friend's wife, as he himself had described it, to me, into the family picture, more and more, I did all I could, to stay out, of that, without being rude to her when she and her daughter--- which was close to Roz's age--- were visiting. They even came for sleepovers, at times, with Gerry's girlfriend 'chastely' sleeping somewhere other than with him, during those visits. At least until the girls were asleep. When Gerry asked me if I wanted to go along on a family road trip when he was, also, including this woman, and her daughter, such as, to Hersheypark, in Pennsylvania, I declined. I spent all week, 24/7, with the girls, but on the weekends off, I had developed my own social life, outside of the family, while I was living there. I also had no desire to end up responsible for the 4 girls PLUS this woman's daughter, knowing that, Gerry would, surely, try to disappear, for awhile, to, get more 'alone time' with this woman, he was involved with. I preferred to stay home, and either, sunbathe, on the back deck, or go out somewhere, and live, my own, life, a couple of days, each week. Because I knew what was going on, from the first week there, when I confronted Gerry about his 'dirty laundry', after he had disappeared, leaving me to jump right in, to my new job, and figure things out on my own, I tried my best to stay out of the situation. It was not about me, it did not directly involve me, and I did not want to become complicit in enabling it, because I was well aware how devastating it could be, to the girls, if and when they finally figured out what was going on with their father and this woman, who was not their mother, and, was still some other man's wife. One other thing, that I really resented, about this situation, was that, when, this woman would visit Wappingers Falls (because she lived in Baltimore, Maryland at the time with her husband and daughter, as I recall), she and Gerry would dump her daughter off on me as well, even on the weekend when Gerry was home and was supposed to be caring for his own kids during that time, so that I could have a break from that responsibility. It was, after all, his family, and his responsibility.
The woman's daughter was a very pale-skinned, red headed, delicate flower, who apparently had deadly serious allergies to 99% of the American diet due to some ingredient(s), being present, in these foods. I was incredulous, when I first found out about this--- which was the first time that Gerry and his girlfriend announced, on a weekend, that, they were going out, alone, somewhere, for awhile, and that Sarah would remain at the house, with his 4 girls. So, (1) they ADDED a child, to the 4, and left me in charge, of all 5, and (2) they gave me NO 'heads up', about this girl's, pervasively, problematic, health condition, and, (3) her mother, did not provide any special meals, for her, when they came, while knowing, full well, that this would present a huge challenge to my FEEDING THIS CHILD when MEALTIME arrived. As we stood, in the kitchen, with hunger approaching, while the girl read the full ingredient list, on food after food, that was in the house, to offer her, and she rejected each one, in turn, as something she was unable to eat, I finally said, with a tinge of frustration in my voice, that, since SHE lived with this condition of hers SHE was much more well-versed in what she COULD and COULDN'T eat; so, therefore, I would 'leave her to it', to figure out, if ANYTHING, that was available, for consumption, in this house, would be suitable for her. I personally just did not want to, stand there, anymore, after that first half hour, that I had, while another complete ingredients list was read off, by her, from another package of food; only for her to reject it as inedible. I was mad, at Gerry, and this girl's mother, for just dumping this 'problem' onto me, and going out; but, Gerry's girls, remained, with her, during the rest, of that, long, and daunting, process, since she was of an age for them to befriend one another. They let me know, about an hour later, that she had, finally, found something, that she could eat. Meanwhile, Gerry, and the girl's own mother, had escaped for their date; and I was never paid extra for additional childcare, or for overtime. It may SOUND like I am NOT a CARING person. I am a VERY nurturing caregiver. But, I am also ONE person, who has needs of MY OWN; and I INTENSELY DISLIKE being taken advantage of, or disrespected, BY ANYONE.
Sometimes, it was really hard not to tell the girls--- or, at least, Valerie, who was older than the other 3, what was really going on with all this. I did know after all. Especially, when, Val--- who was extremely observant, and aware, as a person--- would spot questionable things, herself, and seek a 'reality check' from me about what she saw--- or thought, that she saw (which was, unfortunately, accurate). I never did actually tell any of the girls any of it myself, though, as I knew it would hurt and confuse them, even more than they already were, and I loved them too much, to do that, to them. These kids were the ones that I could have continued being a nanny to, for years! They were my favorite family, that I was a nanny for (excluding Gerry, who was JUST ANOTHER JERK, in my book). After one of those road trips they all went on one weekend, Valerie came to my room to talk to me, privately, not long afterward. I was shocked and saddened to hear what she was describing to me. She said that, after a very full and tiring day at an amusement park with her dad, his female 'family friend', and her 3 sisters, they had all been headed back to Wappingers Falls in the car, after dark. Valerie said that all of her younger sisters had all fallen asleep as they headed home. But, trusting her own gut that something about this female 'friend' of her dad's didn't add up, she said that she PRETENDED, to ALSO be asleep, but she was wide awake, watching the two of them, from where she sat, in the back seat, just behind, her father. Then, she described how she had been wearing dark sunglasses, all day, and, that, she had kept them on her face, during the drive home. So, even though, Gerry could have seen her, in the rearview mirror, he would have easily thought that she was asleep, just like all the other, younger, children were. She told me about her dad, checking behind them, to make sure the children were all sleeping, because, the woman began to touch him, affectionately. Then, she suddenly disappeared from view, as if she were laying down with her head on Gerry's lap. Valerie continued, telling me that, she couldn't see, what was happening, down there, but, her dad began making some, really strange, faces, that she had not seen him do, before, as his daughter, and that, when the woman eventually sat upright, again, on the car seat, that, she was, wiping her mouth, with her hand. My heart, just sank. It was a pretty sure bet that, this child, had probably just seen her father getting a blow job. I still just couldn't bring myself to confirm the truth about their father's relationship with this woman. I couldn't inflict any of that hurt on Val, myself, if I could help it. It was, bad enough, that some of her own innocence was lost, now.
I don't know which of all these things that I have shared in this post, might have been the reason that, late one evening, after the children were all already in bed, Gerry threatened to KILL me, in a very REAL threat that he made directly toward me. I have no idea, whether it was for some action on my part that he had come to know about and was upset at me for, such as allowing Roslyn to sneak over to her grandparents' house, to spend some time with those loved ones, that, she so needed in her life. After all, by then, he could have found out about any, or all, of these things, going on, while, he was away, all week long, every single week; not only working but using that opportunity to be alone with his married girlfriend on a regular basis, as they, both, escaped, family commitments, for this relationship between them. All I know is that one night after the girls had gone to bed, Gerry called me on the phone, and said to me, with alot of anger in his voice that, if he were HOME, right now, he would TAKE A GUN AND SHOOT ME. I could tell by the fury in his voice, at me, that HE MEANT IT, and I wasn't sure where he ACTUALLY WAS, at that moment--- how CLOSE to home, he MIGHT BE! So, I HUNG UP (this landline telephone) as SOON as he THREATENED ME and I called the Wappingers Falls POLICE, explaining that MY LIFE WAS IN DANGER. Then, I started trying, to contact Gerry's parents, who lived in the area, so that SOMEONE--- some ADULT, would BE IN THE HOUSE, with the children, at least, even though Valerie was 16. Gerry kept calling back again, and again, though, after I first hung up on him, to try to talk to me more, which I had NO intention of doing at that point. So, while, I was trying to find and call his parents' number at about 9 or 10 o'clock at night, now, the phone would ring again, and as soon as I heard Gerry's voice I hung up on him, again. I was done with this jerk-boss of mine! Finally, I got a call through to his parents, whom I had met only once before, when I was bit on the eye by a spider, as I slept in my room, there. It swelled up, so much, that I couldn't see to drive, safely, and I needed to go to a doctor to get treated for the venomous bite. So, since the girls were at school, I called them--- Gerry's EMERGENCY CONTACT number that he had given me, and they came, and met me, and drove me to the doctor, that day. I could not call Gerry's wife's parents, who lived right next door, to come over, to be with these kids, as I fled in fear for my life, because I had no idea if he would threaten to hurt them too. I had never seen them visit his home.
After I finally reached them, and they were on their way to the house then, I left the landline off the hook so that Gerry could not keep calling because the ringing could have awakened the children and I still had to pack up all my things and get out, FAST. I sounded breathless and frantic, as I had NO IDEA HOW CLOSE Gerry was, to coming HOME, and he had just CLEARLY STATED TO ME, that, IF he were there, he would SHOOT ME with a gun! That goes WELL BEYOND saying that you are just UPSET with someone, for something. It was a comment that I took VERY SERIOUSLY! I had only told his parents I was quitting RIGHT NOW, and that they needed to COME TO THE HOUSE of their SON and stay with HIS kids, until he got home, or someone else came there, to look after these children. So, they arrived soon after my call and by then I had already begun getting all my belongings out of the house, through the front door, and dumping them on the lawn of his wife's parent's house, next door. I knocked and asked them if I could stay there, telling them, hurriedly, what was going on, and they said I could. Except for this woman stopping by the car after the Confirmation ceremony when I had no idea who she was I had never met these grandparents of the girls. They said it was the answer to a prayer though; that the lid was being blown off what Gerry was getting away with. That THEY had been PRAYING, HARD, for GOD to DO SOMETHING, about it. That, they had BEEN LOSING HOPE, before I knocked on the door, late that night.
I was rushing, making several trips between these two houses, to get myself and my personal belongings out of Gerry's house, while his parents kept trying to get me to stand still, and explain to them, in detail, what had happened, but I didn't. They seemed to be fairly clueless, about what was going on with their son, and I wasn't about to lose my life, at this point, standing there trying to bring them up to speed. Valerie, hearing, the commotion, of me going in and out the front door, which was right above her bedroom window, came upstairs, to the livingroom, to see what was going on. I let her know I LOVED them and was LEAVING, and that I couldn't really explain it all right then. I wasn't sure that I EVER should anyway, as I tried VERY hard to NEVER say ANYTHING disparaging, about EITHER of their parents, because . . . it was THEIR PARENTS . . . and, I KNEW how DEEPLY these girls LOVED BOTH OF THOSE PEOPLE. So I ended up NEVER GOING INTO DETAIL with ANY of these girls, about what happened; leaving the door open for Gerry to tell them whatever truth, or lie, he would decide to say about the situation, when he got home. It did seem, that he had chosen to turn the girls against me, based on their behaviors, in the following days. The day after, I left, I saw Valerie, next door, at their house, sitting outside on the grass, with her arms over her face, as if she were crying, or in complete despair. Roslyn came over to her grandparents' house--- where I was, now, staying--- THIS TIME, with Gerry's AWARENESS, and BLESSING, in an apparent attempt to find out, what was going on, over there, in order to report back, to her father. She brought the message, from him, that her grandmother, told me, that, I could COME OVER, TO HIS HOUSE, to PICK UP, my final paycheck, if I wanted it. There was, NO WAY, I would EVER, set foot, on HIS PROPERTY, ever again, in my life! He could shoot me, as he had threatened to do and claim, I was trespassing, or, that, I had come, uninvited and/or aggressively, toward his home, or family, and that he had killed me. I KNEW, that if he REALLY wanted to PAY ME for MY WORK, that last week, that he could EASILY have SENT THE PAYCHECK over, with Roslyn, when he sent her to their house--- NOW; after PREVENTING her, from visiting, here, before--- without, REQUIRING ME to COME AND GET IT. He had FORBIDDEN the girls to come over to this house before I left and came to stay here. It disgusted me that he hadn't cared that his kids needed their grandparents all along but that NOW he SENT them over to this house--- to SPY for him and REPORT BACK to him about me--- so they came over often, now.
I missed the girls, terribly, and loved them, deeply. But, because Gerry was doing that, and I had NOTHING GOOD TO SAY about HIM, I chose to stay downstairs, in my room, whenever the girls would come over, which had begun to be often while I was there. That was something good that had come of all this--- they got to see their grandparents again, now. I had never lied to the girls or spoken badly about their father to them. I had not told any of the girls, that this female 'family friend' was Gerry's GIRLFRIEND and ALSO HIS FRIEND'S WIFE. NONE OF THAT. The girls adored their dad, and for their sake I needed to try to keep it that way. I doubted that he had told them I left because HE threatened to KILL me either, and I didn't want to have to answer that question. Which, they SURELY would have asked me. I didn't want to make them feel I was rejecting them, when I avoided them, at all costs, now. And I knew that, especially without them hearing my side, that Gerry had likely covered over his own bad behaviors, by discrediting ME, to the girls, in some way. But, I wasn't willing to lessen their father in their eyes, even by telling them the truth, about him. So, I didn't ever come out, of the room, I was staying in temporarily, at their grandparents' house, to talk with them, after I left Gerry's house, the night Gerry threatened me. I have no idea what they were told, or led to believe, or decided to believe, about any of us--- the adults in these kids' lives.
I continued, to stay, with these good and Godly grandparents, of the girls, while I waited, for the upcoming court date, which I was subpoenaed to testify at. When the day came, I was placed under oath, and I described the effects I had seen all the parental absence having on these 4 children. I wanted to explain more about the situation because I felt that the court and those in the legal system assigned to the case that made the decisions about the girls well-being should know more about what was actually going on inside that home. The attorney on Gerry's side was apparently concerned, that I just might do that, which could compromise his client. So he sidelined the whole thing, by taking the hearing totally off track, for what it was SUPPOSED to be ABOUT, which did NOT serve these children that we were all there, regarding. He began attacking me, to try to discredit me. I wasn't at all used to testifying in court. I had only been inside courtrooms briefly, to get divorced, prior to this day. I had a tissue in my hands, which were sweaty due to nervousness, as I sat on the witness stand to the left of the judge. I kept looking down at my lap, to try, to shut it all out, to some extent, as an attempt to regain both my composure and clarity because this situation was unnerving me. Gerry's attorney therefore tried to accuse me of looking at pre-written answers, either in my hand or in my lap, that someone must have provided me to coach me, which was not true, at all. I told him that I was holding a TISSUE, and that I could NOT possibly KNOW, which question, he would ASK of me, WHEN, in order to FIND an ANSWER to it; especially, if the answers were all on some small piece of paper or on this TISSUE in my hand! It was ridiculous, desperate-seeming, discrediting, of me, on his part, and it was not a pretty experience to go through with my former boss drilling holes in me with his eyes, and his wife sitting there, with so much at stake; whose parents I was staying with, then. Especially since, I had to honestly answer that, at times, BOTH THESE PEOPLE had made their children's lives more difficult, during this divorce. I was under oath, after all, and I was trying my best to tell the truth as accurately, and objectively, as I could, in answering questions.
There was so much more information that I knew, as the former live-in nanny for this family, that I had wanted to tell the court, as an advocate for the 4 girls, and their welfare. But I was sitting on the witness stand, and limited to answering the questions, that were asked, so I wasn't able to control the direction, or therefore, the narrative, to be able to say too much of what NEEDED to be said, by ME, that day. So, sadly, ALOT of that NEVER got said. Gerry's attorney pretty much shut it down, as far as me having the opportunity to share some things, about his client, that SHOULD HAVE COME OUT as being EXTREMELY RELEVANT in this case, when he suddenly introduced a photo of me with my own son, Jay, from when he was a toddler and still in my custody as his mother, and began questioning MY FITNESS AS A MOTHER; with ME, having to NOW explain to THIS judge in THIS courtroom, what had happened, in MY marriage, with MY divorce, and how, I had transferred custody of MY, very-well-cared-for, SON, to HIS OWN FATHER, and to a wonderful STEPMOTHER so that HE could have a STABLE, LOVING, TWO-PARENT home. The hearing, about, THIS family's situation, got so off-course, with all that, and sadly, STAYED THAT WAY. So, I don't know if I was REALLY ANY HELP, with THAT, by the time it was all said and done. If I weren't, I knew that things would likely NOT be IMPROVING for the 4 girls in the middle of all this. I felt extremely sad about that.
I NEVER FORGOT OR STOPPED LOVING those girls. I did try--- once--- to contact Valerie, directly, on Facebook, many years later; but, she never responded. I was just a very small chapter in their, overall, life story, though, I am sure. I did some research, about the family, online, this week, to prepare for writing this blog post, and from what I saw, Gerry stayed with the woman, but, didn't marry her. I don't know, what happened, to HER husband, in all this, or whether her daughter EVER outgrew all those FOOD ALLERGIES to be ABLE to EAT enough to SURVIVE in this world. A website that I saw referred to Gerry's girlfriend only as his "companion". I had always assumed that he would finally either marry, or eventually, split with, her, since SHE HAD A HUSBAND, whom SHE WAS STILL WITH, during their affair. A man, whom, Gerry had told me, was even a friend of his! Apparently, their love was real, though, and endured. It seems that the girls' mother had remarried, at some point. She was still smiling, in pictures I saw of her, online; still not looking bitter or miserable at all. I had always thought that she was more attractive than Gerry's girlfriend was, but love is blind, as they say, and the heart wants who the heart wants, for whatever, crazy, or complicated, reasons. Valerie, is very happily married and living a wonderful life; so SHE TRIUMPHED! GOOD FOR HER! Roslyn married, which I hope went well, as she faced the most challenges, of the girls, I think. Geraldine, also married. I was unable to tell whether or not her twin sister, Jacqueline, had ever married, by what research I was able to accomplish before I wrote this post. I could have continued doing more research I suppose, and likely found the answer, to that; but, it was painful, for me to 'go back, in time', among these people, again, and 'relive', that chapter, of MY life, in order to blog about it.
* NOTE: There is some debate as to whether Middle Child Syndrome is actually a real thing, but due to my experience with the attention-seeking, competitiveness, and mischief-making of my younger sister, who was a middle child, and being the caregiver for this very trying adolescent, while in this nanny job, I do believe that there is definitely enough there, to assert that this exists, and has implications in the family dynamic. Here is an article, which describes Middle Child Syndrome, in some detail. https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/middle-child-syndrome-signs-and-tips-to-prevent-it/
