'A Lesson To A Younger Woman, From An Older Woman': A Devotional That I Wrote

[This is dedicated to Vivian Gulleen, the older woman who taught me so much, when I was in my late twenties. She was retired from the mission field overseas, by then, but still ministered here in Omaha to many people, including me, right up until she went to be with the Lord. She  is also mentioned in my Blog post titled "Miscellany About Me", on 5/22/19. I am truly blessed to have known her. Vivian was so humble. She had told me that she had been a principal at a missionary school, in Africa, which was impressive enough, but I never knew the extent of her influence, there, until I began doing the online research, in preparation, for this post. She was absolutely an amazing woman, and a very dear friend, to me. Vivian was one of those special people, that comes into your life, and changes it---   and you---   forever, in a good way. I am a better person from my knowing her than I ever would have been without her Godly example in my life. For more information on what she accomplished in Africa, as a missionary, before she returned stateside, please see the following links that are about this wonderful woman of God:

https://stpeterofgrimesintanzania.wordpress.com/2019/01/30/archive-photos/
https://mountoliverochester.blogspot.com/2011/11/kijota-vivian-guleen-girls-school.html
https://stpeterofgrimesintanzania.wordpress.com/2019/01/28/monday-at-hull-high-school-vivian-gulleen-institute/ ]

Many years ago, when I was the young woman, an older woman in my life kept trying to tell me that these Disney-movie-infused happily-ever-after hopes that I had, with the be-all-end-all love from the young prince, taking me away, to a blissful future, was not a worthy life goal for me, in itself. I was so love-starved, due to my affirmation-deprived childhood, and my already two bad marriages, which had both ended in divorce, that I was like dry kindling wood, waiting for some (relational) match to set my heart ablaze with the passion I dreamed that real, true, love, would bring into my life, some day. For me, that day never came; just poor substitutes.  At that time, I had truly believed that this mystery man, somewhere 'out there' in my future, would be the one person who would finally heal my broken heart. Vivian told me how she had never married, but had instead spent her life as a missionary in Africa, as the principal of a school there. She told me that she had decided, early in her life, that she would never settle for love, with any man, of an intimate (and, therefore, marital nature), that she saw as being anything less than the deep, abiding, mutual love that her own parents had found with one another and so openly displayed during her childhood. Hearing this, from where I was emotionally, at the time, left me feeling as unempathetic as my romantic fantasizing frustrated her. I was sure she just really didn't get it. Life. True life. Still, her love for the Lord, and for me, as her heartbroken and struggling young friend, touched my life deeply, and had a lasting impact on me. That was thirty-five years ago!

Years passed, and she left, for Eternal life with her beloved Lord, but I continued to struggle in my search to fulfill myself with " . . . and she lived Happily Ever After. THE END."  A life event which continued to elude me. I even remarried although God had answered my prayers about that not with a "Yes" but a "NO". In all my starry-eyed naivete, and unrecognized arrogance, I TOLD HIM that 'Love would conquer all'. MY love. Well, God--- Who is Love--- absolute, pure, never ending  love, told me "No" to protect me from the things He foreknew, that I was blind to. And all my human efforts to love a man were reciprocated with all types and degrees of abuse of me, causing instability, fear, sadness, and more emotional and physical damage, for me, in my life. In the end, I felt used up, worn down, and deeply disillusioned. I still didn't feel loved.

Sometime later, but still in those young woman years of mine, I did actually find 'The Love Of My Life', though, which surprised me, because I NEVER WOULD HAVE BELIEVED that such a thing as this would, or could, happen to me! Exactly like my older woman friend had tried so often to tell me, some years before that, I found that the true, deep, faithful, lasting love, which I had imagined, and so deeply desired, WAS with God Himself! When I saw, and experienced, the sweet, precious, purity of His Love, FOR ME (in spite of my constantly pushing Him aside, rejecting Him, ignoring Him, thinking of His Love as being less than the love that I was seeking for myself, snubbing His offer of one-on-one intimacy with Him), I knew He was THE ONE! He saw me TOTALLY AS I WAS, inside and out, 24/7, and STILL LOVED ME, as deeply as Love can love! 'Without shadow or turning'.*  Without unfaithfulness or lies. Without threat or abuse. That list of attributes, in someone I wanted to find, in my life, and totally give my heart to, was fulfilled in Him! No one else even came close. "I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine." **

My older, and wiser, friend had been right, all along. How could I have doubted her? Or, Him!

*James 1:17 (GNT)  Every good gift and every perfect present comes from heaven; it comes down from God, the Creator of the heavenly lights, who does not change or cause darkness by turning.

**Song of Solomon 6:3 (NKJV)  I am my beloved’s, And my beloved is mine. He feeds his flock among the lilies.