Sincerely, Deb

I'm starving for sincerity.



Sincerity: the quality of being open and truthful, not deceitful or hypocritical.

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Sincerity makes the very least person to be of more value than the most talented hypocrite. — Charles Spurgeon

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So often, people only say what they think they 'should' say, making it difficult if not impossible to form a real rapport or close connection with them. I feel like I am at some endless masquerade where I never really know who, or what, I am truly dealing with, from what people show me or don't show me about who they actually are. The uncertainty, leaves me feeling unsafe around them. It is a type  of torment to my soul. It is distressing and even depressing for me to feel like I never know who is friend or foe behind their façade. I need something sure and stable to at least know where I stand with someone. Dealing with people drains me, because I constantly feel like I have to tentatively tiptoe around a minefield  of unrevealed truths that nevertheless affect the interactions, and relationship if there is one, with these other people. It is not fun for me. It's even scary to me.

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We want deeper sincerity of motive, a greater courage in speech and earnestness in action. — Sarojini Naidu

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I've had formerly friendly people blow up in my face and even scream at me for simply being real, with them, and telling them my truth. So many people are so afraid of the truth! I genuinely don't understand that. It bewilders me, to see so many people acting so threatened by it and even terrified of it that they are not only willing but determined to avoid it at all costs, whether that is speaking it or hearing it from someone else like me. It is clear to me that they are afraid of it,  for whatever reason. It's also clear to me that their hostility to the truth when I speak it is a form of censorship and control, toward me. They shut me down, to shut it down. People often pose as what they want others to think they are. The pretense indicates a form of self-loathing because it signifies they believe, to be loved, or even just accepted, they cannot, and must not, be known for who they are. All of us are flawed, imperfect people. There's simply no getting around this fact. But to disguise oneself, by deception, is to go through life never having the joy of being known, liked, and loved, for who you are. To me, it is a tragedy, for  all of us who participate in this socially sanctioned game. I would rather be liked and loved as who I am than to have someone like or love some act that I put on  to manipulate their assessment, and acceptance, of me, that would not really be feelings for ME, at all. A pathetic but profound fear drives people to avoid taking their masks off with one another at the expense of having true connections. The social awkwardness this causes makes me uncomfortable interacting with others. More often than not, I choose to simply avoid as many engagements as possible.

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Sincerity is an openness of heart; we find it in very few people; what we usually see is only an artful dissimulation to win the confidence of others. — Francois de la Rochefoucauld

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I seek real, genuine, let-your-guard-down, mentally, emotionally, and, physically, safe, relationships. Anything else traumatizes me, leaving scars on my psyche. It isn't worth it to me to try to get to know someone, or interact with someone, and be the worse for wear when it is all said and done between us. I cut my losses, or try to, by staying away from people who seem to be a liability to me more than a blessing. Sometimes people can surprise me though, and be the total opposite of who I thought they were, whether better or worse, than I thought, causing me to second-guess my ability to know who is being real with me. That concern, adds a motivation for me to not open up to people at all, since I can't figure out who is a person of genuinely goodwill toward me and who has a selfish, or even a sinister, agenda. The most painful of these shocks to my system are when someone that I really liked, and trusted, betrays me, in some way, showing me that they weren't who I thought they were, and that I had actually given them way too much credit for being a better human being than they turned out to be, in truth. I got burned.

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I want people to be sincere; a man of honor shouldn't speak a single word that doesn't come straight from his heart. — Moliere

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From my perspective, I can't figure out why truth, honesty, and just being real, in relationships with one another, does not seem to be as important, to a lot of other people, as it is to me. My Christian background, and a biblical perspective, taught me that God Himself is Truth personified, so that makes living, and being, in truth part of our being made in the likeness of God, as scripture says we are. We honor God, and others, then, by being sincere in all our dealings with one another. I can fully trust God, because I know that He is Truth, and will never manipulate me, or lie to me, like people do. Their lack of sincerity shuts me down. It makes me sad.

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Simplicity and sincerity generally go hand in hand, as both proceed from a love of truth. — Mary Wollstonecraft

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2 Corinthians 1:12 - For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you.

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Sincerity and truth are the basis of every virtue. — Confucius

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When I read descriptions of the traits of an Aquarius, almost all, of them fit me. I don't prefer going out, and partying and such, to being at home, though. I like to be home more than anyplace else! Perhaps, the reason for this Aquarian anomaly about me, is the very thing I am describing about my longing to experience more sincerity in people. Astrology sites say that "Aquarius value honesty and sincerity in relationships" and "Aquarius sincerity shines through in relationships.  Genuine emotions  are  their  currency,  and  they  have little tolerance for mind games or hidden feelings. When they care about someone their expressions of affection are honest and open so with an Aquarius you can expect genuine communication and heartfelt connections!" We are known as being the most honest sign in the zodiac.

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Sincerity is impossible, unless it pervades the whole being, and the pretence of it saps the very foundation of character. — James Russell Lowell

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In writing this post I recalled the characters created by Charles Schulz in Peanuts comic strips, and cartoon specials, and their interactions with one another. Linus, chose a different path for himself, because he had a different kind of heart. He is the one character that strove to be sincere with an intentionality. While he hoped to be acknowledged, accepted, and affirmed, just like the others wanted to be, it was for simply, being who he was. Genuine, and sincere. Flawed, and vulnerable. For which, he was scorned, and mocked. While the others sought recognition and rewards in more conventional ways, while aiming for approval and adulation from their peers, Linus followed his heart, and was true to it, NO MATTER WHO tried to coerce him to change course. Linus celebrated sincerity. He was ALL IN on BEING REAL. For that, he was scolded and shunned. He was not hurting anybody, by his actions, but that didn't prevent him from being treated badly for how he chose to live his own life, by everyone except Charlie Brown, who at least had empathy for his not fitting in because he was different. Charlie Brown did everything the group required of him to try to gain their acceptance and approval, but even so, he was never truly accepted or appreciated. It continually tormented his soul that he did not win their fickle favor, by going along to get along. Linus, was willing to forego all that to be true to what he believed even when he was criticized and ostracized.

                   

His choosing to stay alone in the pumpkin patch on Halloween, when all the other kids were out trick-or-treating together, was motivated by his prioritizing sincerity as a virtue. There are similarities to my situation here. The others, the group, the herd, if you will, put on masks to hide their true selves, and go out into society to seek to be rewarded for that by everyone they approach, and interact with. "Trick or treat!"* is technically a menacing threat that implies that if other people do not give them what they want they will punish them, rather than be pleasant to them, due to that. It is, actually, a demand by someone placed on another person, to do exactly as they want them to and give them exactly what they are asking of them OR ELSE there WILL be CONSEQUENCES. They EXPECT others to reward them for their outward fakeness and their mask wearing, and this expectation is reinforced by a large portion of people in the community doing just that: giving them exactly what they asked of them, thereby REWARDING them, for this behavior. Because I have resisted and even refused to do this in my situation, there has actually been some 'tricks', done, to me, as a result, such as, things being thrown at my house. It is more ominous when it is adults acting this way toward a neighbor, versus the make-believe incidents in an animated children's holiday special on TV. Note that, Charlie Brown, who did go along with the group but was more compassionate and caring than they were, was nevertheless always perceived as 'less than', and was never really considered to be a, true, member of the herd. This is reflected by the fact that while all the other children were given treats, all he was given was rocks. I have seen through my experiences here that when you are a very different type of person from others, even when you are friendly and respectful toward them, it can never lead to good relationships because of their disrespect and undermining you behind your back. Their masks are fake, but what's underneath that is scary. Some masks may even show a smile, but hide some very dark, unvirtuous things.
   

                 


Linus: "Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He's gotta pick this one. He's got to. I don't see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one. You can look around and there's not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see."

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, , mean-spirited people usually believe that people never act without deceit. — Madeleine de Souvre, marquise de Sable

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Neighbors, who are not my friends because they have shown that they will never, indeed, cannot, by their very nature, accept me for who I am, and let me live my life in peace as I wish to, try to manipulate me with their fake friendliness only to reveal to me that they are trying to control me, to get me to fall in line with them and their agenda. What they should have seen, by now, and should have learned, about me, is that this does not work with me, but simply makes me wary of them from that point on. I go on my way, alone, but, more at peace. Peace, is far more precious to me than having relationships with people that I can't feel comfortable with because they have shown me that I cannot trust them. I choose to be alone, ignoring it, when they sneer at my sincerity, and laugh about my Linus-like heart.  I will never, really, be in their good graces, nor they, in mine, because our values, and our orientation to what really matters to us, in this life, are just too different. There's no middle ground, for good relationships with these people. Now, or ever. When I tried with them again, for the sake of the community at large, I learned it can never work, because, they really have no motivation, to SINCERELY treat me any better. I was 'rewarded' by them for this extreme risk I took-- which took ALL I HAD IN ME to even DO in THE FIRST PLACE-- by being disrespected and lied to, AGAIN, by one of the two most disrespectful women here toward me. It is CLEAR that she disrespects me, TO HER CORE, and she definitely does not have my best interests at heart, as she has demonstrated, time and time again. There is simply  no basis for a relationship with someone who acts like that. Absolutely none at all.
My sincerity is one of the reasons she began to disrespect me and to mistreat me.

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By being natural and sincere, one often can create revolutions without having sought them. — Christian Dior

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There is an old but well-known poem titled 'The Road Not Taken', by Robert Frost, which he wrote in 1915, that describes those of us-- like Linus, and like me-- that don't follow the herd, or join the clique, for an 'acceptance' which would never be real, anyway, or these same people would have accepted us for who we are, from the very beginning. Charlie Brown is the case in point, as he clearly demonstrates that TRUE acceptance and inclusion from these others would never really happen, since HIS HEART is so different. He and Linus are condemned for being SINCERE. For BEING REAL. To quote a line in the poem, "Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." Whether people perceive the path that I took for myself as being for better or for worse, I am who I am, and for me, I wouldn't change it. I don't need to have, fear-based, interactions, with fake friends, who did not prove themselves worthy of the name "friend", by how they chose to treat me, but expect me to treat them better than they have treated me. They're not safe or happy or healthy relationships, for me.

 

I just want someone in my life who will, truly, be sincere. I am praying for that!

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Linus: "He'll come here because I have the most sincere pumpkin patch and he respects sincerity."

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Stopworkplacebullies

@Stopworkplacebu

Survivors don't fear being alone. It's empowering. They fear being in a room full of people they cannot trust.
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* "Trick or treat!" - The "treat" is some form of confectionery, usually candy/sweets, although in some cultures money is given instead. The "trick" refers to a threat, usually idle, to perform mischief on the resident(s) or their property if no treat is given. - Wikipedia