I had not worked as a Go Go dancer at the Razzle Dazzle for very long, after my employment at the hospital, so I still had some reasonably fresh references, written for me from the nurses that I had worked with there, which highly recommended me as being a wonderful caregiver. I had begun applying to be a live-in nanny, after I was fired, from the Razzle Dazzle, which was something that had never happened to me, before, and had really shaken me up. I decided to revert back to my caregiver skill set, which was well-documented, and highly prized, since my proficiency as a nightclub dancer remained rough and unrefined and the bar environment was fairly incomprehensible to me. I had given up thinking about the strange-seeming way that the circumstances had conspired to lead me back to living in Omaha, after my discharge from the Air Force base, in this area, when I had no intention of ever living here, again, after that. I was feeling like I really needed to find another direction, for my life, where, what I had to offer, as a human being, and as an employee, would really be appreciated, and valued, again, like it had been, by both my co-workers and the patients that I cared for, when I worked in nursing at the hospital as a CNA. But, because I felt so burned out emotionally, from the intensity of all that I had to deal with, and try to adjust to, especially those last several years, of my life, I wanted a real change of scenery, as well. There were suddenly several domestic employment agencies running ads in the newspaper. Live-in nanny employment was becoming a booming business, around this time, and these agencies were primarily trying to find girls from the Midwest, to do these jobs. Part of the reason for that was that there was a strong stereotype that Midwestern women were more conservative, in their values and behaviors. Families felt that the girls from the coasts, where they were also largely located themselves, would not be as willing to do the work, required in these jobs, due to their, generally, being perceived as more aspirational and sophisticated. These parents had idealizations of the nanny they were looking for, which were equally divided between two distinct possibilities. They either wanted a wholesome, grounded, hardworking, farm-raised Midwestern girl or they would literally--- and with a seriously straight face!--- demand nothing less than the fictional and magical "Mary Poppins". Even both in one! On the flip side of the employer-employee equation they gave little if any introspective thought to how their own character, values, and personality would have a direct effect on the outcome.
Although I was now in my late twenties and most of the nannies being hired were in their early twenties, that was looked upon favorably, as my having life experience, plus, my proven ability to handle responsibility for the direct care of others. I had also been a homemaker when I was married, so I had those domestic skills, as well. It was a bit trickier trying to put forth that I had childcare experience, from newborn to toddler, when that direct care was for my own son, Jay, before I transferred his custody, to his father and stepmother. This was very valid and relevant childcare experience but the circumstance could certainly be construed in such a way as to be potentially off-putting to people. Especially, as far as the emotional reaction to that, by families seeking childcare for their own children. While I initially felt some anxiety and apprehension as I applied and interviewed for nanny jobs, it turned out not to be an obstacle to overcome, at all. My forthright explanation, that I was divorced from his father, had originally had full custody, of my son, but had ideally wanted for him to be raised in a two-parent home, was something that even the divorced parents that I would work for as a nanny grasped as the ultimate desirability. Aside from caring for my own son I had only had some previous babysitting jobs when I was a teenager, back in high school. I had never planned on having any children of my own because I was deeply concerned about my family's dysfunction tainting my own child's life just as it had mine, by either their presence in my child's life, or my somehow passing some of that along to my own child, from not knowing how to do any better, since that was the familial role modeling that I had been exposed to, and raised in, myself. While I didn't shun or dislike children by any means, my intention, to not have any myself, made them rather peripheral people in my world. I was an excellent caregiver for the adults I had taken care of, when I was a Nursing Assistant. My son, Jay, had been a very healthy, and happy, child, while he was with me, and in my care. So, I was certainly quite capable of giving conscientious, and concerned, care as a nanny, too.
I was hired, through a nanny agency in Coconut Grove, Florida, to work for a family that had 3 boys, ages 5 and under, with another baby boy on the way, very soon. So, it certainly seemed that they needed a nanny. There's a large Jewish population in Miami and this family was also Jewish. The husband, David, owned a small women's clothing shop and Susan was a stay-at-home mother--- apparently fulfilling her duties as wife to him by being a baby-making machine to give him heirs. (I say that based on something she said to me about that, while I worked for them.) They lived in the Kendall area of Miami in what appeared to be a fairly standard middle-class home. There was nothing fancy or upscale, about the appearance of the place. It looked like suburbia, in many places, in the U.S., only having palm trees in the yard made it appear a bit more exotic, to me. I was hired after an over-the-phone interviewing process with, both, the agency and the family, so I was going into this situation sight unseen. Wanting to see some of the country along the way, I opted to travel by bus from Omaha to Miami instead of flying. The family paid the fare for my transportation there, so that was also cheaper for them. Although it was very interesting, traveling through alot of places on the way there, it was also very tiring. I believe I was on buses for at least a couple of days, not really being able to rest, or sleep well, at all, so when I arrived in Miami I felt extremely physically exhausted and emotionally drained. It was not the ideal way to start a new job, but it also was only going to go downhill, from there. I was about to find out what a superficial snob Susan was. Susan was also a classic narcissist. Those are the kinds of traits and behaviors that turn me off completely! As an empath**, even when I do not want to care about others, anymore, I still do. When I learned from the other Go Go dancers at the Razzle Dazzle to say, "I don't give a fuck", the most I could mean by saying that was that "I WISH that I couldn't give a fuck". While I am capable of distancing myself from people who are destructive, toward me or others, I hate their poor choices, and bad behaviors, while still praying for their souls. I will not subject myself to such people, longer than I have to!
Susan was there with her mother to look me over when I arrived. I am sure I looked a little the worse for wear after my long trip. Then Susan wanted to see how I interacted with the children so she sent me outside onto the wooden deck in the backyard with these boys, right away, for an hour or so, as she sat in the air-conditioned den, watching us together. The littlest boy kept taking one shoe off, then holding it up, for me to put back on him, which I did, then taking it off again and having me put it back on him, about a dozen times in a row, which I wearily obliged him, as I tried to begin bonding with these kids while I felt dead on my feet, from my days long journey. There is an ongoing debate about whether boys are harder to raise than girls***, but I could already see, by the energy level of these little boys, Daniel, Andrew, and Eric, that I had my work cut out for me, trying to keep up with them. I had to hit the ground running in this job, from that very first moment that I had arrived in this house, without a chance to rest, catch my breath, or even sit and eat anything. Susan just stayed indoors, with her mother, watching the children and I outside, in that muggy tropical heat and humidity. Feeling like I was sinking fast, from fatigue, and my other, unmet, human needs, I asked if I could possibly take a nap due to traveling for days to get there, when I could not even lay down on the buses. I was too tired to even feel hungry, by then. Her mother advocated for me to get some rest, and I was shown to my room. It was huge, but only because it had actually once been their two-car garage, which they had, apparently, first turned into a party room, complete with the furnishings of a several-seat-bar, set up in the corner, and now made into the nanny room. There was a small bed set up for me, in the corner, but no other actual furniture to make it look like a proper bedroom for someone. At least I could set up my makeup mirror on the bar, and sit down on one of the bar stools, I told myself, as I tried, to make the best of it. The rest of that room just looked junky. It had things lying around, that they had stored away in there, out of view of the main part of the house. It was a dark and gloomy-feeling space; a depressing environment, for me, to live in. I wondered uneasily whether they didn't make it more homey as my bedroom so they could still use it to throw parties. I lay down for that nap, and woke up the next morning! Susan's mother had encouraged her to just let me sleep, when I did not wake up, later, that first evening, from my nap. I describe all of that, to say, that, from the beginning, Susan's instincts were for me to give my all and need nothing in return as far as having my basic human needs met. Had it not been for her mother being there, on the day I arrived, and knowing Susan, as I came to, while working for her, I would not have gotten a nap, or had any of my own needs either recognized or addressed. Susan was the center of the universe, to Susan. No one else seemed to matter.
The relationship between a family and their nanny employee is a very symbiotic one. It has to ultimately work for everyone, to work for anyone, and, when it doesn't work, it is the kids, who suffer the most. If they continually have to adjust to new nannies, one after another, and, after bonding with them these people then leave their lives, it can cause the children to develop an attachment disorder****. My being the nanny, for this family, was doomed to fail from the start, because Susan seemed oblivious to her impact on people, or else she was just really good at being indifferent to others around her. I was continually distressed, by seeing how she treated not only me but her own innocent, impressionable, little children, as well. She seemed to be a completely narcissistic person who behaved as if the world revolved around her. Such people as that turn me off, to begin with, so, living with one, and answering to one, as the nanny, was very disheartening, to me. Her husband, David, worked almost all the time, so he wasn't there the majority of the time, to see how things, really, were, when he was absent. He was the sole breadwinner, for this young and continually growing family. The little that I saw of him, in those 6 weeks or so that I lived there, in their home, he had seemed to be a nice enough guy. After I returned to Omaha, when this job didn't work out, for me, I was describing Susan to someone, and they said, to me, "You were obviously working for a J.A.P.!" Never having heard this term, before, I was confused by that, and clarified to this person that this woman, who had made my life so intolerable in Miami, was definitely not Japanese! They explained, that "J.A.P." stood for "Jewish American Princess" which was, stereotypically, considered to be a Jewish female who was spoiled, selfish, and stuck up. That was Susan! Although, sometimes, she did seem to be generous and supportive. According to her, though, there had to be some payoff for her in that.
Susan appraised my appearance, openly, to my face, in an unapologetically forthright manner, when I came to work for her. She sent me with her charge card, to her own hairstylist, to get a haircut that cost 10 times what the same style cost me at a walk-in hair salon, back in Omaha. The only difference was that this haircut had been done at a salon that had a fancy name and normally catered to (the ego of) people who were full of themselves, and who told themselves they must be getting 'the best', because they were paying outrageously inflated prices for it. It was a simple, basic, style, though! Next, she took me to an eye doctor because she didn't like that I wore eyeglasses, and wanted me to get contacts instead. I was initially very resistant to having those foreign objects placed into my eyes. I felt fine about myself just wearing glasses. Susan said that she would not even be seen in a grocery store with me, though, until I looked more fashionable, because I was her nanny, now, and primarily reflected on her. I assure you, that I was not unkempt, dirty, homely, or disfigured, as a human being, though she insisted on having this makeover done. I was neat, clean, and conservatively dressed. Susan simply saw everyone, and everything, around her, in her world (and it was ALL, ALWAYS, HER WORLD), as being a direct reflection on her. (That, is another narcissistic trait, by the way.) The growing popularity, and sudden proliferation, of having a nanny was seen, by these aspirational young families, as being another status symbol they could show off to others they wished to impress. She, and her friends, women whose values and lifestyle were similar, to hers, all had nannies, and she wanted hers to be attractive! She once allowed me to attend a dinner party, that they had, at their home, although not exactly as a guest. Susan simply wanted me to be seen, and known, as the family's domestic help. When I came out of my room, while I was getting ready, for that evening, to ask her something, before any of the guests got there, I had just taken the curlers out of my hair, but I had not yet brushed it out. As soon as she saw me, she raised her voice, at me, saying, with a panicked look, on her face, "NO! NO! NO! You are not coming out of your room LOOKING like THAT!" It surprised me, that she clearly didn't comprehend, that it was not styled yet; only curled. Her mother intervened, however, who was the voice of reason, with Susan and, as that, was someone for whom I was always grateful, saying to Susan, "You can SEE that she simply hasn't brushed it out, yet! She will do that before your guests arrive!"
While Susan was highly concerned, with the appearance, of my external body, she was not at all concerned about the health and wellbeing of my internal body. Her neglecting to even offer me something to eat the day I arrived in Miami to work for her, was not just a rather inhumane oversight, on her part, after I had just spent 2 or 3 days straight riding on buses, to come from Omaha to work for her. From the start, she made it seem as if I were eating too much of "her" food, and, again, since it was ALL "her" food, that didn't really leave anything for me to eat, in this house! I was active and energetic, which I needed to be in order to keep up with all those hyperactive little boys of hers; and having a high metabolism, I did need to eat enough simply to maintain my weight. But, at 5'9" and 128 pounds I wasn't obese, or 'eating her out of house and home', by any means. In fact, I was actually losing weight there, that I didn't need to lose, because Susan, continually, berated me, if I ate anything at all! I could not imagine how I was supposed to stay healthy, and be strong and energetic enough to care for all her kids, and do all the housework, for her, as well, when I was not even allowed by her to fuel my body with a minimum of basic nutrition. She was, constantly, accusing me of taking things from the pantry and eating them, myself. I was reduced to eating mere morsels, that I could find, which didn't seem to be anything that she would want, or miss, herself, just to try to survive it. I was never clear, on what she actually thought that I was supposed to eat, there! I was never offered any food, at all, by her, directly. Honestly, it was as if this woman thought that I was nothing, but a machine, that ran on autopilot, rather than an actual human being like herself, that needed to have real food, to eat, on a daily basis! Many days, despite how busy the demands of this job kept me, I simply chose to go hungry, when I could not find anything in the house that I could eat that she wouldn't later complain that she had wanted for herself, rather than have to listen to her scolding me again as she searched the kitchen for any foods that she felt were missing. While I understood that she was pregnant, and therefore was 'eating for two', she didn't seem able to acknowledge the reality of the fact that I ALSO NEEDED TO EAT. Even if only for one!
Apparently, from what she had told me, David had her on a household budget which included the expenses of her having a nanny, in the house. She was determined to cut corners, where she could, though, which I experienced as usually being at my expense. The room and board are figured in to what a live-in nanny gets paid so the money itself is often not alot, especially for the number of hours worked, and all the responsibilities, of the job. I believe I was making $100.00 a week, then, but it might have even been $75.00, and I had one day off, each week. While Susan did not directly complain to me about what she was paying me, since the nanny agencies let these families know what the acceptable, minimum, 'going rate' is, and expect at least that much money to be paid, to those nannies, they place in the homes, she did ask me, several of the weeks I was there, if she could have some of the money she had paid me back because she complained that her budget for the household expenses was too tight. I refused, to do that. Every one of the families that I worked for as a nanny, including this one, paid cash 'under the table', so to speak, as it is, thereby forcing me as the nanny to claim the income as self-employment and pay the taxes on it, myself, as well. It was a very tacky request, to begin with, by her, but I knew without a doubt that I had more than earned what she was paying me, and I also knew her, well enough, based on her actions, which revealed her character, that if I ever even 'loaned' it back, to her, I would most certainly never see that money again. I believe that is why she was on me so much, about any groceries that I ate while I was there, although she was also supposed to provide at least adequate food, for me (which she didn't), as a very important, and much-needed, part, of the room and board aspect, of my nanny compensation. She was clearly trying to pinch pennies, where she thought she could, which was basically by 'taking food out of my mouth'. Or, rather, preventing me, from getting food, she had to pay for!
The 3 children, which were already born, for me to care for, were pre-school ages, 5, 4, and 2. They were just typical, boisterous, boys; always into something, rarely ever still or quiet, often competing with one another to have my full attention. The only time they weren't like this, was on Saturday mornings, when they sat in front of the TV, watching cartoons. The 2 bigger boys were dropped off at the Jewish synagogue that their family belonged to, by their father, on his way to work, weekday mornings, for some children's activities, though, thankfully, which gave me some time to be able to focus on getting all the chores done around the house. I was very conscientious, and thorough, with the house cleaning, so when Susan told me to give special attention to cleaning the livingroom, a couple of days before her dinner party, I dusted the top of the bookshelves, in there, also, which had apparently not been done for a very long time, if ever. However, rather than appreciating that I had done a complete cleaning of the room, she complained to me, that I had raised too much dust, and that she was concerned the air would still smell dusty, when the day of her party came. I did not think that was possible, since I had deep-cleaned that room 48 hours before the event. She was not a person to be pleased, with my efforts, or show any appreciation for anything. If Susan had something to say about either my appearance or how I did my job it was always a criticism. I knew that I gave it my best but there was never any pleasing a chronic complainer, like her. She spent those hours, the boys were out of the house, sitting on the sofa in the den talking to her friends on the phone, if she didn't go out to a salon appointment or some such thing. One day, she returned home from a hair appointment after getting a perm in her hair. The curl didn't last, and had fallen out in the Miami heat and humidity by the time she got home. There weren't any cell phones back then. Just landline telephones. So as soon as she came in the house she called to complain to her hairdresser about the perm not setting in her hair, although she acknowledged that her being pregnant, and the hormonal changes in her body, due to that, likely had something to do with this outcome. She was still upset with them though because they had not found some way to make it work, on her hair. (There is an ongoing debate about whether it is even safe, to get a perm during pregnancy, due to the chemicals used that sit on the scalp for quite a while, with some absorption of those substances into the body.) After that, she called a couple of her girl friends, to complain. These women all had nothing better to do, apparently, than talk with one another for an hour or more on these calls, with Susan actually talking to one for awhile while putting the other one on Call Waiting (and as they actually sat and waited), then talking to the other one for awhile, while the other of the three had been put on hold, on Call Waiting. I had never seen anything like that before. They seemed to have nothing better to do with the time, that was more important, for them. Sometimes, Susan's complaints to her friends were about her manicurist. Outward appearances, even her own, were what mattered the most, to Susan.
Only once did I ever see Susan attentively engage in a real conversation with one of the boys (the 5-year-old, Daniel), and that was on the night of her dinner party, when he got out of bed, and showed up in the kitchen, among her guests, who were mingling and milling around. She spoke to him for a few minutes while stroking his hair with her hand in an affectionate gesture that I had never seen her do, toward any, of the children, before; or, after. Then, she sent him back to bed. David was also home then, though, and in the room, as well. It was obvious that he was very proud, of his brood of boys, which may have been why Susan suddenly seemed to be so gentle, patient, and loving, toward Daniel. When David was not at home, Susan was much more easily and quickly frustrated by the boys, and was also not nearly as attentive, or affectionate, toward them. She would sit on the couch in the den while all the boys were right there, only a few feet away from her, at the most, and definitely within earshot, and say to me which one of the children she wanted, and would take with her, if she ever divorced David for whatever reason, and which boys she would leave behind, with him--- and good riddance! It made my blood run cold to see her do this as I wondered what the impact of it could possibly be on the developing psyche, and self-esteem, of these impressionable young children. I did not even want to know, why, she felt, and talked about, that she was contemplating divorcing David*****. I knew her to be someone that was so critical, of anyone, who wasn't hellbent, on keeping her happy, whatever that took, at whatever moment; which she always wanted, from everyone, around her. Even at their own expense! Perhaps David had also failed to meet her demands, in some way, in their relationship. The days that she would carry on this way about which boys she would leave behind, in a divorce, with the boys sitting right there, hearing her, were some of the worst ones, for me, there. I had never been a nanny, before. I did not know, what I could, or should, do, if anything, about this situation! She was, my employer, after all. I knew for myself that keeping Susan satisfied was such an impossible task due to her spoiled and demanding attitude. I hated hearing her say those things, in front of the children, though.
Daniel and Andrew would often come home from the summer program at the synagogue both excitedly rushing in with their handmade craft creations from that day. These were the type of art projects that children are often shown how to make by gluing macaroni and such things to paper plates to make some type of picture out of all that. One day the boys brought home the paper plate plaques, they had made, to give to Susan. I could see their teacher had told them these were going to be something special, for their mother, to show appreciation and love, for the mothers of the kids in this craft class, because they had scrawled something in crayon on their preschool-age artwork to this effect. They came running into the house and up to Susan, who was sitting on the couch, engrossed in one of those long phone calls with her girl friends. Both boys were trying their best, to get her attention, to give her the gifts. As they each held a 'love gift', from them, out to her, she finally turned, to look at the two boys, with an expression full of annoyance. As she asked her friends to hang on, for a moment, the boys barely got the words "LOOK!" "I MADE THIS FOR YOU!" out of their mouths before Susan snapped at them impatiently, saying, "GET THOSE NASTY-LOOKING THINGS OUT OF MY FACE, AND, OUT OF MY HOUSE! GO PUT THEM IN THE TRASHCAN, RIGHT NOW!" along with a dismissive wave of her hand, in their faces, to shoo them away from her. I was so sad, for these children, and so horrified, by her. To me, the very saddest part, of all, of that, was the fact that the boys seemed so used to this type of behavior from their mother, that after just a momentary look of disappointment flashed across their faces they simply took their 'love gifts' over to the kitchen trashcan, and threw them away, as they were told to, by her. Susan, was teaching them, what was valuable, and not valuable, at all, in the world, based on her perception, that those things which were extremely superficial mattered more than a paper plate, with macaroni glued on it, crookedly, and your young child's handwriting saying that they love you. I know of many other mothers who have saved such things, from their kids, wrapped, carefully, in tissue paper, and would never throw them out for any reason. Some have even run back into a burning building to get those childhood creations out to save them! It is obviously true that 'One man's trash is another man's treasure', as the adage says. I still have things that Jay wrote, growing up, that his stepmother sent, to me, written in his childish scribble. Those things, touch me to the core, of my heart. They truly are treasures to me. Those and the few photographs that I have of him.
While I was there I did get to go to the Miami zoo one day, on my day off. I also went to one of the malls, there, which featured extremely expensive, upscale stores. Susan also arranged for me to spend a day off at South Beach, one time, instructing me, how to treat the cabana boys, which I would encounter there, for the first time in my life. Miami was an interesting and exotic place! Those were about the only outings that I got to go on while I was working for this family, as their nanny, when I was able to venture out alone on my days off, into the city itself. Where the family lived, in the suburbs, wasn't directly connected to the public transit system. It wasn't close enough, for me to access it, at all, unless Susan was willing to go out into the hot Miami summer to drive me over to what was the nearest point for me to do that; which was well past walking distance, from their house. Kendall was filled with endless, confusing, winding streets full of houses that all looked fairly similar in style where families lived with their kids, and SUV. There was simply no accessible public transportation coming anywhere near the house, that I worked in as a nanny, making it very isolating, for me, since I had no vehicle there for my own personal use. That meant that I had to depend on Susan, coming through, for me, as she had promised when I interviewed for the job, by at least driving me in her SUV to a bus stop where I could connect with the transit system, there. Most of the time, she told me that she just didn't feel like going outside, because it was so hot; and, that was that. So, sometimes, I sat outside in the yard of their house just to get away by myself on my day off, painting watercolors of the beautiful palm trees, which captivated me since they were so exotic-looking. However, I could not really get away by myself that way. Since I was still hanging around the house, on my day off, the boys would usually do all that they could to get my attention even though their parents would repeatedly ask them to leave me alone, for a little while. It was not exactly like having a real break from being at work for me. One of the trickiest parts of being a live-in nanny comes from the fact that you live, where you work, and you work, where you live. The boundaries get blurred, by someone or other involved in the situation, and suddenly you find yourself working on your day off in some capacity when you should not have to, et cetera. Even just socializing with family members, on your day off, especially, with the children, can end up feeling like you are working, which is not conducive to feeling like you actually had any time off, to yourself, to rest, relax, and do something for yourself, for a change, to recharge your own soul, for a while.
On one of my days off, things began to unravel so completely for me, in working for this family, that it became 'the beginning of the end', of my being their nanny. However, the only one that I would blame for that was Susan. But, first, I had a little adventure, in the middle of what would become a very long day, for me. David helpfully drove me farther into the city as he was going in to work; so I got to see the women's dress shop that he had, there, as well. He was, always, a very nice man, including to me. He was just not home, very much, at all, since he worked so much, to see some of what Susan put me, and their kids, through, because of her spoiled self-centeredness. He told me how to take the buses back to the closest bus stop to their house in Kendall, which, was still nowhere near, being within walking distance, of the house; so, Susan was to pick me up, when I got that far, which was only about a 5 minute drive from their house by car. I thought, that I got on the right bus, when I was trying to get back, only I ended up in a colorful, run-down-looking, urban neighborhood, that I knew, could not have me heading in the right direction. When I asked the bus driver about it, he suggested I get off that bus, there, and get on a different one, going the other way, that should be the one, that I needed. As I stepped off that bus, and it drove away, out of sight, leaving me there at the corner bus stop, it became immediately apparent that I was the 'gringa'. Everyone, in the area, stopped, and stared at me, curiously, which was my first clue, that I was somewhere, that nobody, including me, expected me to be! I was the only Caucasian anywhere around there, as far as the eye could see. Then, I noticed, that none of the shop signs, or anything else that I saw, there, was in English. It was all, only Spanish! I have never been to any foreign country in my life, but this situation was the closest that I have ever come to what that would actually feel like to me, even though this was in Miami, Florida, U.S.A.! I was never more grateful in all of my life, that I had taken 3 years of Spanish, in high school, as when I was able to speak to a couple of people standing nearby in the only language they spoke, explaining where I was trying to go, by bus. (My initial attempts to get some help from them, while speaking in English, had only elicited shrugs and sideways glances between them.) Soon, I had several Hispanic people around me, explaining what bus number to get on and such in Spanish, which I was able to translate well enough to get on the right bus, going the right way, after that. So, this, is not the part, of that day, that contributed to me deciding to quit this job, and go back to Omaha. This was actually one of the best parts, of what would become a very bad and very long day, for me. The trouble started back in Kendall.
It can be intimidating, trying to get around a huge metropolitan area, like Miami, all by yourself; especially, when you are not from there, or familiar with it. I was very isolated, as a nanny, and did not get out of the house, that I worked in, much, to be able to really 'get the lay of the land'. So, I realized pretty quickly that I was lost, after I got back to the Kendall area, and Susan told me to walk back to the house from the bus stop, now. As I said before, there were not any cell phones, back then. Just landlines; and pay phones. I had called her on a pay phone, to let her know that I was back, at the closest bus stop, and needed her to come pick me up, from there, as we had previously planned that she would do! However, now she flatly stated, to me, that it was too hot, and that she did not feel like coming outside, in the heat (although she had an air conditioned SUV, to drive), to do that; so, I would simply have to walk back, from there. Susan knew full well that it was much farther than any reasonable walking distance. Now, she wasn't willing to come out in those tropical temperatures to get me, as she had agreed to do this very morning before I left the house, but she apparently had no problem at all leaving me to walk to the house from there in that very same heat and humidity she was avoiding herself. While she would have only had to walk from the house to the air conditioned SUV and drive for just a few minutes, I was now left, by her, to walk, for miles, and for hours, because, I ended up lost. The Kendall area of Miami was not laid out in some squared, grid, pattern, of streets, so although I tried to remember the way, to the house, once I had, finally, walked to, what I thought was, the residential area that it was a part of, I did not recognize anything along the way, anymore, and felt like I was just going around in circles. After a couple of hours of this, with the heat from the sun even more intense as it radiated off the paved roads, that I was walking alongside of, onto my body, I felt really drained, and weak. Seeing a church ahead, that I had never seen, before, I went in, to ask if I could get a drink of water, and whether they could give me directions to the address of the house. Someone from the church gave me a ride to the house and dropped me off, there. But, even better than this, much-needed, ride, I connected with a young family there, that took me under their wing, befriending me, and inviting me to go on an outing with them, to snorkel in Key Largo, on my next day off, which we all really enjoyed! I am a Romans 8:28 girl!
But, Susan, on the other hand, left me feeling frustrated, and demoralized. Now, after her self-centered indifference had also led to my getting needlessly lost, for hours, with bad blisters on both feet to remind me of that, I was feeling really angry toward her, too. She must have been wondering where I was, when I never showed up back at the house, after a certain amount of time, that day she left me stranded, at the bus stop. As it turned out, I was nowhere near their house, when I saw that church and went in there to ask for directions. I might have continued being hopelessly lost, even until it was dark outside, had I not gotten their help. When I finally arrived, back at the house, after the people from the church so kindly gave me a ride, the rest of the way, Susan was at the front door, holding it open, for me to enter. My jaw was set, tight, from my anger, at her, as I went on inside, and I held my tongue, even though all the negative emotions, that I had, toward this woman, were screaming, within me, to be expressed! I didn't decide, not to let loose on her, that day, just because she was my employer. That relationship, between us, was so tenuous by now that it was hanging by a thread anyway. I kept my mouth firmly shut and went right past her into my room, without one single word to her, because all 3 boys were standing there with her at the front door when I got back, and I wouldn't want them to ever hear the kinds of things that I might have said to their mother, that day, had I indulged myself. She never said a word about it either, including not apologizing to me for the situation that she had placed me in that day, when she refused to come pick me up, after I had left, the house, for my day off, believing that she would. Without that assurance from her, about that, I wouldn't have gone; precisely because of the situation, that happened to me, when she didn't.
Things finally came to a head, with her, though, when I spent 6 hours, straight, one day, from early morning until after noon, deep cleaning the bathrooms, as well as other chores I did, to keep their house so clean, without having anything at all to eat, that day. I did those tasks by sheer willpower, because, my body did not have the fuel, that it needed, to do all that work. I tried not to eat anything at all unless I finally felt that I had to, because I was weary of getting admonished by Susan for eating the food, in that house. I had gotten good at finding things I felt she wouldn't possibly want, for herself, but that was not alot, of nourishment for my body. On this particular day, she was in her bedroom, which was a real relief to me as I went in the kitchen, and feeling physically shaky, from hunger, I took two crusts (the end pieces of a loaf of bread) that I had saved, for me, to eat, and made myself a peanut butter sandwich. It was the most nutrition that I could give myself, in the hopefully-most-unnoticeable way possible. I stood holding it over the kitchen sink so that I wouldn't drop crumbs on the floor and was just about to take my first bite of food that entire day when Susan suddenly appeared, asking me in a very demanding voice where I had gotten that food and telling me that peanut butter was expensive. Suddenly, I just snapped. I finally had enough, of this 'Jewish American Princess', treating me like 'Cinderella' in this house, leaving me, literally, scrounging for crumbs. I didn't answer her, even one word, about where I got the peanut butter sandwich made with the two crusts of bread. I simply let go, of the sandwich, I hadn't even taken one bite out of, dropping it, into the sink, and I went to my room, packed up my things, and called the nanny agency to come get me; which they did. I was DONE, with working for Susan. She would never change. She wouldn't even want to, and, worse, ever see the need to. I stayed about another week in Miami with the Christian couple I had become friends with but they lived in a small apartment and had no room or need to keep me as their own nanny. So, I returned to Omaha. Was God still, leading me, back there, for the unfolding of my destiny? I had no idea! I simply knew that Omaha had become home to me, although I was originally born and raised in North Carolina, and HOME seemed like a REALLY GOOD PLACE to be now, while I pondered what direction I should go in, with my life, for the next chapter, of it. I was just not at all sure what to do, next.
* "And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. 'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?' And he said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.'" - Matthew 22:35 - 40
** https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-an-empath
*** http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/09/13/p.boys.vs.girls/index.html "On balance, the general consensus seems to be that boys are more of a handful early on . . . ."
**** "Attachment disorder is a broad term intended to describe disorders of mood, behavior, and social relationships arising from unavailability of normal socializing care and attention from primary care giving figures in early childhood." - Wikipedia
***** https://www.insider.com/things-you-shouldnt-do-in-front-of-nanny-2017-3
*** http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/09/13/p.boys.vs.girls/index.html "On balance, the general consensus seems to be that boys are more of a handful early on . . . ."
**** "Attachment disorder is a broad term intended to describe disorders of mood, behavior, and social relationships arising from unavailability of normal socializing care and attention from primary care giving figures in early childhood." - Wikipedia
***** https://www.insider.com/things-you-shouldnt-do-in-front-of-nanny-2017-3
