Here Are More Of My Poems And Lyrics....

a haiku 

Summer thunderstorms

Sound like God's bowling alley.

That thought makes me smile.

  Maybe There's A Reason

Maybe I'm just 

too plain, or too thin,

to catch the attention

of the right men.

Maybe my glasses,

or '32B's,

are the things that

are failing to please.

Maybe my age,

makes it too late,

for men to ask me

out on a date.

Maybe because

I seem solemn to some,

they never find out

I'm a whole lot of fun!

Maybe because

I'm a little too wild,

or maybe, for them,

I'm a little too mild.

Maybe   

my not finding love

is not because 

I'm not enough.

Maybe they're 

just not my type,

even when

they do seem nice.

Maybe they

just left a store,

as I was coming

in that door.

Maybe moving

out of state,

cost me the man

I'm meant to date.

Maybe I was

asked to dance,

and he assumed

I have romance.

Politics,

could be why,

I've not found love

with any guy.

Maybe there's

too many jerks,

and guys that have

repulsive quirks.

Maybe he

just doesn't see,

all the good things

about me.

Maybe he 

just got fed up.

Stopped his search.

Gave up on love.

He might be home,

watching TV,

not going out

and finding me.

Maybe he

just got a pet,

and now he feels like,

he's all set.

Maybe he thinks,

he is gay, 

or bi, or something,

but not straight.

Maybe someone 

stole his heart,

before we met.

Kept us apart.

Perhaps the one that

I was meant for,

joined the service

and died in war.

I am a 'night owl',

through and through,

and that could be

the reason, too.

Most folks rise

to greet the day,

but that has never

been my way.

It makes it really

hard to meet,

when they're awake 

while I'm asleep.

Or maybe God 

decided He

wouldn't make 

a man for me.

Regardless of

the reason why,

it is sadly true,

that I, 

have never met

my true soulmate.

It seems like

love is not my fate.

The Object Of Our Love

It's not what they are,

but how we feel,

that lets us know

our love is real.

We feel inspired by

stirred emotion

(which evokes

our deep devotion

to the person,

pet, or thing),

that woke our heart

and made it sing.

That is why,

if feelings change,

though that object

seems the same,

We see it  

in a different way,

than we did

just yesterday.

There's nothing

we can do about,

falling in love,

and falling out.

                                 Love Is A Drug    

Love can be a dangerous drug

when it's toxic but we can't get enough.

When we know that we should leave it alone,

but behave in ways we cannot condone.

It drives us to do things we normally wouldn't.

and act in ways that we probably shouldn't.

It alters the brain and short-circuits our thinking, 

causing poor choices like excessive drinking.

When love's unhealthy it can cause us great pain.

Keep us from sleeping and drive us insane.

It gets in our system and takes full control.

We are left helpless as it grips our soul.

Healthy love can cause us to thrive,

but toxic love can drive us to die.

Going through it is really rough.

I did survive it, but that was tough.

There's nothing worse than trying to get free

of loving someone who didn't love me.

He Didn't Protect My Heart

He looked me in the eyes,

and told me several lies.

The usual game guys play.

When for them it's not real,

they don't care how you feel,

or about what you have to say.

Their ego gets pumped,

and then you get dumped.

It was never about love for them.

Be careful who you

give your heart to,

or never do that again.

                   

                          

Boxes

Stop fitting into boxes
that other folks provide.

Climb out of those containers

and toss them all aside.

They don't get to tell you

who you're s'posed to be.

God's the one who made us 

each to be unique.

My Life Reflections Through My Poetry

                  Fate

Fate undermines my foothold
Like a quake beneath the ground,
Wrecking all my best-laid plans
Without a single sound.
I fall, and watch it happening;
So tired of asking "Why?".
Feeling wretched, all the more,
For idly sitting by.
After years of standing up,
Once all was ruined there,
I sit, and holding back the tears,
Pretend that I don't care.
My whole plan seems so pointless,
Like castles built on sand.
You'd think that I could manage
Inspiring love in Man.

           - Deborah Robinson Gray
             October 13, 1980


               untitled

The breeze chills my body,
And these thoughts sting my soul---
I may never have answers;
I may never feel whole.
I may never be loved---
not feel lonely---
again.
(I may never hold to me
More than this damn pen!)
God must not have planted
His flowering seeds
In my life; there is nothing
That's growing but deep, unmet needs.
I prayerfully ponder,
A Spring evening in session,
With only a rhyme, and some time, and obsession.
The clay of my body
Calls out to the clay.
The night of my heartache 
Cries out for its day!
My halfness-of-wholeness
Has caused me to fall,
And still no one answers
My soul's piercing call.

     - Debby Robinson Carlin
       May 16, 1984


       When I Find Your Face

At another time, in another place,
I just might find your face,
And then I'll know what I'm searching for
Has been there after all!
If you'll love me back, like I need to be,
Your love will set me free!
And you and I can unite our lives
In two-part harmony.
I've got love to give,
I've stored up inside;
It's left no room for pride.
So when I know
I've found you at last,
I'll give you all my love.
Though a solo now,
I still sing my song
Of hope to keep me strong,
Until I find
Your sweet face at last,
And know I'm finally home!

   - Deborah Robinson Gray
     December 4, 1978


          untitled lyrics

In the quiet of the evening
I find myself into a mood;
So I put soft music on the stereo
And listen to its messages, and brood.

Chorus:
Love songs, peace songs, dream songs; sweet.
My heart knows that wanting, but knows not their feel.
Love, peace, and dreams are all such lovely things,
But seem a figment of my mind; unfindable, unreal.

I look for love among the crowds,
I search for peace between the wars,
I see my sweetest dreams come true-- through sleeping eyes.
Life offers me no keys that fit its doors.

I'll keep searching for life's joys;
'Tomorrow is another day';
'It's always darkest just before the dawn';
'Things must look up'; anyway, that's what 'they' say.

                                 - Deborah Robinson Gray
                                   August 1, 1976



     a section of an untitled poem

Drown my sorrows, get a headache;
Take a lover, lose my heart;
Guess I just can't stand the pain in
Either finishes or starts.
Without first healing, can't find loving;
Without the loving, I can't heal.
Having doubts deep down within me
There'll ever be a love that's real.

            - Debby Robinson Carlin            
              July 24, 1984


I'm Not Smart Enough . . . For THIS World

                   Free Verse

I'm not smart enough for THIS world . . . .
I'm not able to know where I stand
In relationships with people.
I can't seem to determine my worth
to others---
I don't know my value in this system
Of player haters, spin doctors, and 
Superficial socializers.
I don't know if I have anything to offer
That's of worth to the self-occupied
Occupants of this planet,
Who may not even allow my efforts
A passing thought.
Even if my attempt was to show them
God's Love, through me---
Fumbling and imperfect and marred
As I do that---
It's really all I have to give anyone . . . .
I'm smart enough to know that
That's all I've got.

                - Deborah Robinson
                  April 5, 2016


When I reconnected with my son online, I was thinking it would be really fun to collaborate together on a song, since I write lyrics sometimes, and he is a musician! He stays way too busy to have time for that, though, I think. . . . This is just the one verse of a lyric I had started to write, specifically with that hope, thinking that he and I could finish it together, by internet, and make it into something good!

                         That Love Was A Promise

Sometimes the journey leads our paths to different places;
We find ourselves apart and all we see are other faces.
Yet the bond that's ours alone can't be denied.
That love was a promise!
                                                - Deb Robinson 
                                                  February 2019


Most of these writings were transcribed here, for this post, from the various tattered pieces of paper on which I had originally created them years ago; some of these go back decades. I added this amateur anthology here on the Blog as part of the life reflections from my soul. They reveal what was in my heart over the course of time, throughout my journey so far, and certainly support the truth of what I have already been describing about my life in my previous Blog posts! There has been this singular thread running through the fabric of my life. This constant theme that, while "I have found the One Whom my soul loves" (Song Of Solomon 3:4), in my personal relationship with God (which is the single greatest blessing of my--- eternal--- life), as a human being living on this Earth I have been bedeviled by chronic lack of love from my fellow humans. Also very telling is the fact that the second greatest blessing for me, relationally, had been the nearly 20 wonderful, fun, loving years I had living life with my pet Cockatiel, CeeBee, who died in 2011. Third place is the highest ranking any human relationships have ever attained, for me. Those that have been included have largely been special friends and neighbors, rather than family members, throughout the years, although there is an aunt and uncle about whom I often said to God, wistfully, that I wished they had been my parents, because they were so godly, decent, loving, supportive, and honest--- all things which I value greatly, among the full range of possible human attributes.