Why I Have Become A Female Chauvinist

Guys are pretty clueless in so many ways. While I do admire that they have figured out how to build things that make life more comfortable for the human race, such as indoor plumbing and heating, and how to win, in football games, and wars, I must admit that I have evolved into the most quintessential female chauvinist due to my life experience interacting with and observing males. This is the definition of what I am describing, about myself, here: "female chauvinist- a female  who  patronizes, disparages, or otherwise denigrates males, in the belief that they are inferior to females, and thus deserving of less than equal  treatment or benefit."  I know it isn't 'pretty' (and aren't we females also trapped into male stereotypes, of us, including that we are supposed to be, or at least act, 'pretty' for, to, and about them?), and I wish that it were not so. More than anything, that I can think of, in my life I, so badly, would like for this outcome to not be what has happened, within my soul, regarding these creations of God, that were designed and assigned, by Him, to be the companion, husband, father, brother, son, uncle, grandfather, friend, boyfriend, soulmate, lover, protector, and even a blessing, to me. So much of the time-- too much of the time!--  the things that I am feeling about how males are (how they choose to act) which lodge in both my head and heart, regarding them, are displeasure, disappointment, distrust, discouragement, disgust,  and even distress.  I find it unfathomable, that they are the crowning creation* God put on this Earth! Most animals behave better than many men I know, by their being more loyal, appreciative, faithful, and protective, and, less selfish, irresponsible, loutish**, and violent. I have actually even cried out to God in exasperation over this in my life!

While what I am describing, in this post, about myself, is a generalized overview, of what I am thinking and feeling toward, and about, this gender, it runs through me, continually, like a very pervasive undercurrent which is, almost always, affecting my openness to, my respect for, my enjoyment of, my tolerance for, my patience with, my trust of, my closeness to, my willingness with, my submission to (the situational authority of), my desire for, my commitment to, my faith in, and my intimacy with, them. At the same time that men have wanted things from me, in my interactions, or my relationship, with them, their own actions and attitudes have been the very things that have prevented me from either considering or continuing giving them those things! Almost cynically, I even resist doing it, in the most antisocial of ways, thinking to myself, "Why should I 'make their day' by giving them what they want, from me, now? They have ruined my life, by giving so little, to me, that was good, for all that I gave, of myself, to them. They simply took that as their due, and went on their way, with little to no consideration of what they did or didn't do, for me, which I had, also, needed in this person-to-person exchange." I have stated before that men are very utilitarian, in their view of females, and what these are on this planet with them for. They usually make no bones about that and they rarely even apologize for their narrow view, of that, because they don't see it as treating people wrongly; they see it more as their simply consuming***  a product (not a person) that was put here for their enjoyment. We are far too often only objects, to them. They don't seem to see us as human beings, let alone as equal ones.  All of society suffers as a result of this mindset.  Even the males, themselves.

Due to seeing us in that way, they don't feel the need to consider our feelings about how they are treating us or consider the consequence of their actions and its impact on our lives. Once we have let them in, to our lives, even our bodies, given them our heart, and met their needs, we are often simply left hanging; knowing the cost was not worth it, for us, based on what we got, for what we gave, when they are simply finished, with us. Single teenage mothers reflect this mindset of males. The fact that, 99% of the time, you see news stories, about a girlfriend, wife or mother being murdered it very predictably turns out to be a male that she brought into her life in some way, also displays this male mentality that I'm describing here. This bad story always unfolds in the same scary way: He had initially acted very differently toward her in the relationship, until he decided she had nothing more to offer him, offered him something other than what he had wanted, for himself, or he had found someone else to meet his own selfish needs (better, than she had done). She was then harmed by his scorn, in some way or other, even possibly being murdered in cold blood, by him, as the reward, she got from him, for her efforts. Some, of these sad tales, include that the woman was pregnant with his child as well, and he harmed them both. While the man involved simply wanted to be free, of responsibility for his actions, you can be sure that he had wanted in this woman's life for what he could get from her, that was pleasurable, for him, before he decided to try to cancel the consequences, of his actions, later on. We see such stories on the news, continually, almost even constantly. One man after another behaves in such ways, as this, toward their own women and children!

There was a news story, just last week, about another, little, innocent, girl, suddenly missing, after coming home from school and playing happily in her front yard. As soon as I hear these types of 'stranger danger' news stories I pray for the female victims, while I'm simultaneously wondering if the (most likely male) predator has taken the female hostage, taken her virginity through rape, tortured her, taken her life, or all, of those, horrendous, things. Men tend to get extremely impatient with women wanting to be more careful about our interactions with them and take relationships more slowly; not realizing, thinking, or caring, that this world we live in, together, is a very, very, very different place for us as females than it is for most males. The 6-year-old girl's body was found days later, and a grown man's body nearby. When I heard she was missing, I expected this outcome, although I prayed against it. Men, in many more ways, than just this, feel entitled, to take whatever they want, however they can get it; from females especially. Not only in this way, but others. Then, one way or another, they simply discard us, also, after they are through having their way with us, as if our precious lives meant nothing at all to them. Such sadistic scenarios, as I just spoke of here, are quite common on newscasts.

I get so angry about all these things going on with males, toward females, that my face burns hot from my outrage over it all; over the world, we women are left to live in, because so many men just do not step up and do the right things in their lives! While abdicating their moral and spiritual responsibilities, even their Godly Calling, men can act more concerned with what the score of the last ball game was, and whether they can get some woman to 'put out', for them, so they won't have to bother masturbating. My general picture of what males are is damning-- and it should be! So much of it is sin; unrighteousness, by them, before God. Their behaviors are often such that, that if the situation were reversed, they would not want women to ever do those very same things to them. Men have a double standard. I view males as being weaker, than I am, both mentally and emotionally; as someone who most likely could not well survive, what they so unconcernedly decide to put us women through, if such were done to them. The men do it, because they can. Because they're usually physically stronger. Because society is structured in their favor; and gives them a free pass to act as they please from the dismissive caveat that 'Boys will be boys', while placing almost all of the power, prestige, and profits into their hands, to wield as they wish. Due to all this, combined with the posturing, and puffing up of the insatiable and insecure male ego, it is no wonder that the entire planet is rife with wars, causing death, destruction, and displacement, of millions, including the women, and children. Thousands of innocents have needlessly died so that some pathetically puny person can flex their military muscle, at great economic and human cost, so they feel like they are a big man.

While I understand that the majority of males do not act out to this extreme, we acknowledge, as a society, that such actions as these are almost always attributed to this gender. Men also often shrug off the victimization of others when it's something that appears to them to be at a much lower point along the scale of this behavior, as they seem incapable of comprehending that, when another human being, is treated in such a way, on any level, from being bullied, in elementary school, to being pranked in high school, to being hazed in college, to abused and abandoned, by a husband, or father, in the home, damage is done, to that person! No matter how small it may seem, to the male perpetrating the act, more than likely it will be something that their victim will remember for the rest of their lives. It was something that was needlessly done, and negatively impactful. Think, of the world, we could all live in, if males used more of their time and energy in positive, proper, ways instead of so many looking for opportunities to victimize others, just because they can.  And, because they want to!  Killing, rape, pedophilia, incest, murder, drunk driving, sexually transmitted diseases, robberies, fights, shootings, theft, car-jacking, and almost all of the reasons that we have to have police departments, and wars, would disappear. The seemingly male inclination, to engage in behavior along the scale from indifference to depravity is disgusting and frightening to me! I truly believe that such things as 'Amber Alerts' wouldn't even exist if males were not on the planet. Animal abuse is also a real heartbreak. It includes neglect, cruelty, cockfighting, and poaching; almost all, done by males.

Due to my own experiences with males and additional evidence to support my claims I have come to see them, on the whole, as basically being: selfish, egotistical, immature, unfaithful, philanderers, liars, misogynistic, remorseless, dismissive, dogs**** (but I hesitate to use that description only because my overall opinion of much male behavior is typically so extremely low that I do not want to insult the actual canines, also labeled by this term!). While they are good at some things, they are not very bright, regarding many, often more important, things, although they try to act like a 'big shot', apparently needing to convince themselves, that we can't see them for what (little!) they (often!) are.  Males actually act hostile to, and extremely threatened by, any of us females who choose not to 'dumb down' for the sake of their fragile male egos. It seems to me they want women to give [ it ] (fill in the blank:approval, affection, adoration, awe, etc.) to them at all costs. Even, and sometimes, especially, when doing that would be at the expense of the woman's own self esteem and personal truths. Many males also take unfair advantage, of vulnerable women (whether that came about by impairing us, some way, such as drugging our drink, or by making a game, out of our deep desire to love, and be loved, by pretending to actually care, about us, when they really don't. Often, just to get, momentary, sexual satisfaction from us) making our virginity, our heart, or both (sacred things, to us!), into nothing more, than some, callously, carved notch, on their "Score!" belt. Some assholes even make jokes about it, and/or send out videos, of it, on social media, to actually brag about their doing these things to females; and to  'impress'  their male friends.

In my view men seem to be at the mercy of their needy little dicks, to the exclusion of almost  all else! To me, this makes them more like an animal, than a human being capable of serious thought, self control, and unselfish decisions.  Men are made in the image of God Himself.  I see them more often than not, though, lowering themselves to the standard of behavior I am describing in this post. I would assert that their Creator made them to be so much more than they are living up to, on this earth! So, my only regret, in comparing them to animals, is that I hesitate to seem that I am disparaging the animals. Those are being what God made them to be, fulfilling His righteous intentions for their existence, which is God's will for all His creation.  It is revoltingly 'normal' now, to see news feeds regurgitating stinky stories about the types of male behaviors that totally turn me off. We have a president (who's bragged about) grabbing peoples' pussies, just 'because he can'. Legislation had to be enacted to make congressmen start paying, their own 'hush money', for their sexual misconduct, instead of taxpayer dollars; some, at times, being asked to leave the legislature, because of their immature indiscretions. Although some of this even sounds like a joke, at some point, none of it is funny, to me, as a female! Sexting (and to underage girls) scandals (plural) caused a politician named Anthony Weiner to ruin his career, led to his wife filing for divorce, become an embarrassment, to his child, earned him a felony conviction, and having to register as a sex offender, and offended Latinos by his use of the alias Carlos Danger while committing his compulsive and repulsive dirty deeds.This jerk (off) even apparently put alot of his illegal and misplaced sexual energy into living down, to his last name, making him easy fodder for every late night talk show host. Doing a Google search to fact check the details for this blog post I even noted that someone had put forth the 'bottom line' question, about this creep, that ties in, to what I am describing, about men, which has led to my having the, very low, opinion, that I have of them in general. Someone posited this query about him online: "What is wrong with Anthony Weiner?" (sigh!)  I'm just so tired of all this being considered or accepted as the 'normal' behavior for so many males!  As far as how many of our elected officials act in these ways I sum up my suspicions by saying that, at this point, I'd really rather see who is left on the short list (of the men put in power, by the sacred trust, of the voters) who have not (or, not yet!) violated God's Will, their marriage vows, or the sexuality, even the safety, of either grown women or little girls. Sadly, I believe such men are a minority, not only in our government but throughout all of our society.

It also appalls me, and strikes me as being really stupid, on the part of all the guys involved, that, even after all the news stories, on acute intoxication deaths, of pledges, from fraternity-related hazing, year after year after year, that this is still going on! Frat boys are exchanging their Greek togas for orange prison jumpsuits. They ruin their own futures, and, even worse, end other people's lives; and FOR WHAT? Seriously! I see so little accountability for actions among males. It deeply concerns me, and, absolutely horrifies me! Keeping with this theme, there was a young Air Force lieutenant, in my past, who was, even to this very day, the only person I have ever loved with everything I am! After I had given all of me, to him, and it was  too late, for my heart to turn back, from loving him, he told me, in a mirthful manner, how he had gone to a Toga party wearing the customary white sheet, and laughingly described how  he had said to a woman there that he thought he looked like a sperm, with the bottom of the sheet trailing a bit behind him. He told me how she then quipped to him to not sit next to her, because she was ovulating. (He didn't elaborate, on where this interaction went from there.) He also told me that, on another social occasion, he had decided (after drinking, I think, but nevertheless) to do a threesome, with Bill and Kathy, a married enlisted couple, stationed at the base where he was attending his military school. My heart sank, all the way down to my toes, as I pondered who this man-- this boy!-- even was, that I had thought-- had believed!-- was worth giving my whole heart to. This intimate partner that I had allowed inside my body, that I had once thought of as so shy, and sweet, that I had trusted, and felt emotionally, and physically, safe with was, suddenly, someone that, I realized, I really didn't even know at all. Given the chance, and the choice, males so often seem to prefer daring themselves, to see 'how low they can go', than being the hero, in the story, of not only their own lives, but ours!

While my deep feelings, for him, kept me, in that relationship, with him, for some time, after those disclosures of his to me, you better believe that those behaviors of his backed me up, away from my (former feelings of) total love of, respect for, and trust in, him! Those type, of things, that he seemed more drawn to, and prone to act on, rather than being satisfied with  our monogamy, were a huge part of why I finally had to accept the fact that, this man, I had believed, at first, was my soul mate, was not even going to be someone I could comfortably stand beside, and be 'all in', for, going into my future. While I never got over him, I divorced him, after we did get as far as marriage, to one another, before our Titanic sank. It's a moot point that I still feel like he is 'the one' that I will love forever; because, more than that fact, I also know that I could never reconcile myself to such a mindset as he seemed bent toward,  nor to him, in an intimate relationship, ever again. Maybe, he was saying those things to me  for the purpose of running me off, out of his life. His behaviors definitely made me feel like I wasn't enough for him, somehow. If he was, doing that, he won; it worked. But, if it was just another guy not accepting the fact that he is fully accountable for his actions in life and if he ever actually loved me (which I never could really believe once I learned what he gravitated toward), then, I would surely say, that, how this man chose, to behave, cost us both. Plenty.

We had a son together, in the middle of this, too. I ended up transferring his custody, to this man (his father) and his second wife so the boy could have a two-parent home and a better economic situation than I could provide him, as a single mother. But I bore the brunt, of this man's choices. It worked out well, for our child, being raised by his own father, and, a great stepmother, since almost half of the country's children are coming up in a home where their father is absent. Most of the women that end up as single mothers aren't even getting child support for the children of the man she let into her heart and her bed. I had really struggled financially, when I had the initial custody, of our son, because I received a small amount, of financial support, while having him with me, but nothing more than that. Meanwhile, my ex-husband had found his next girlfriend who became his second wife, before our divorce was even final! With me having 24/7 custody, of our son, back then, I really couldn't have dated.  Nor would I have had the energy to date. I was exhausted, from continual care of our child. Working menial jobs that allowed me to have my son with me so I could care for his needs, and taking care of him, all by myself, was alot. My son's father did not, ever, even one time, take our son with him for awhile to help me with him, or give me a break, from the constant childcare and everything else I was coping with. He was too busy. Living his life. Going out. Fulfilling his own needs. He never even called to ask me how his son was doing, regarding checkups, with his pediatrician, or anything else. Even thinking back, to that, now, as I type about it, here, leaves me cold, in my feelings toward him. This man used to be the absolute  joy of my life! After he'd caught me, by his charm, he almost immediately started showing a whole new (but not better) guy, as himself! It was a cunning con game, of 'Bait And Switch'. Attract the female, with the persona of a great guy, and then surprise her, with his evil twin, instead. This crap is part of the reason that there is a big hero-shaped hole in girls' hearts!

Males also will not often explain themselves, especially to the females, in their lives. To us, it adds the sting of insult added to injury that they don't seem to think we even deserve to have reciprocal communication, from them. Having hindsight, now, as I look back, over my lifelong 'education' on the subject of the 'Male Mind', I think alot of that is selfishness, stemming from immaturity and that almost inbred sense of male entitlement, that boys too often get raised to believe is their due. More than that, though, I honestly think that, somewhere in their heart of hearts, they know that how they are acting, toward us, or treating us, is indefensible; so, they don't even try. Women are so much stronger, than men! Guys expect us to pick ourselves up, put our own broken heart back together, and go on in our lives without them in it however we can manage to do that given all the heavy psychosocial factors that come along with that and so pervasively affect our future after they have used us and cast us aside. While I have come to believe that, as a woman, I am better off, not having a man in my life, since they took more than they gave and drained and depleted me in the process (leaving me to refill my own tank, which they emptied) there has also been some elation to be found, for me, in living my single, celibate, lifestyle, where men are not allowed. Inside of my private space, whether that be my abode or my body, I have learned how to nourish myself, by meeting my own needs, of body, soul, and spirit. I revel in my self-love and in God's love for me, and strive for a balanced and meaningful existence by approaching all of my needs holistically. I don't have to resent a man being in my life, for his creating problems, where I had peace; for his violating my inner walls, by his lack of reverence, in being allowed there; falling so short in contributing positive things  to my life while draining my daily, finite, energy allotment, by taking more than he gives to me.

Males are just so needy! Statistically speaking, men actually have shorter lifespans without a woman in their life to nurture and care for them. Driven to have their own needs met this way, men usually move on, to find another woman to be beside them in life, often before your seat next to them has even had a chance to cool, from you sitting there; and sometimes, they find your replacement while you are still (securely?) sitting in that seat. They treat women in ways that, if the same thing were done to them, they could not survive it, and would fall apart! Tired of hearing the maintenance man at my apartment building bring up sexualized subjects every time he entered my apartment, with a work order to fix something or other, in my home, I said something to him, about it, directly, one day, and it was the very last time that he started such conversations with me. Apparently for his own enjoyment as he worked he would start saying something to the effect of wondering how other women would be in bed. [He was saying this, to me, when I was 61; after I had let my hair grow out gray; stopped wearing makeup, around my apartment; and had now been celibate for a couple of decades. He was probably late 30s to early 40s, married (with an attractive wife!), with children, and, happened to live in a house only two doors down from this apartment building; so, I knew everyone in his family, including his wife. That made his doing this, to me, even more uncomfortable!] Because I was probably old enough to be his mother, I did not expect this type of conversation from him, on top of the fact that as the maintenance man it was not a very proper conversation to start with a female tenant, of any age, especially when he's in her home, with a work order, to fix something in it.

This is why it took me several times, of him doing this, before I finally put my foot down, about it: I couldn't comprehend that he would start this type of talk with me for any other reason than he possibly saw me as a mother figure, and was simply seeking my wise, motherly, opinion of his relationship issues. (I did not know then that he also had his own mother, and father, living with him, too!)  So, for awhile I tried to counsel him on these things until I realized that he kept on coming back to it; that my previous advice to him had, apparently, done nothing, to solve it, in order to finally shut down this awkward conversational thread. While I didn't want to directly confront whether he was coming onto me, because maintaining good terms with the man that fixes your plumbing and electrical issues is important to consider in this, also, I simply said to him, when he began saying, yet again, that he wondered, what another woman would be like, in bed, other than his wife, "Well, how would YOU like it, if SHE was wondering, what another MAN would be like, IN BED, for HER pleasure?" His face looked like someone just waking up from sleepwalking! With a concerned crease suddenly appearing, across his brow, he looked at me, in some shock, and said not at all surprisingly, "I wouldn't like THAT at ALL!". That was (thankfully) the last I had to hear of his sexual fantasies but this became a part of my ongoing education, as a woman who was now a 'senior citizen', that men would not ever stop this shit; probably not even if we women had one foot in our grave! How can I say something like that?

Well, for one thing, there is a significant increase in STDs in retirement communities, assisted living facilities, even nursing homes, among the elderly that live in those places, who are most often age 65 and above. It used to be that increasing age meant a decrease in sexual activity, often because men developed erectile dysfunction, due to health issues, as they aged. Viagra and similar medications have caused elderly Casanovas with canes to be able to give little old ladies orgasms, now. Because of their 'manhood' being revitalized, with this medication, some reports are surfacing that one, old geezer, in the place, infects several different women, within that same facility, with an STD as well. It may sound funny, to think about, but I don't think it is. It's a real public health concern, for one thing. These women, living there, are easy prey, since these men have (continual) access to them, to either charm these lonely ladies or simply wear them down over time. For all intents and purposes the living situation makes the availability of potential partners, for males, pretty much like 'shooting fish in a barrel'. He doesn't have to go out, and try to find some fish, in the sea. They're right there, in this fishbowl, where everybody knows everybody, and they all share the same social circle. These old guys capitalize on that, very opportunistically. What this says to me is that men will play around, with women's hearts, and health, as long as they are able to; never learning, whether they have a hard-on or not, to treat a woman (or, several women!) decently, and honorably. I simply have little, to no, faith in men, to act aboveboard, in their intentions toward women. Especially sexually. I know that my concern, over his promiscuous, and, high-risk, behaviors, caused me to lose the desire, to be sexually involved, with that man that I loved so deeply. If he caught something from that crap, my health could have been compromised, and health is everything, for a good quality of life! I did not want to end up with an STD from him. Also, those are a sign, that someone is not fully committed to you, which is simultaneously humiliating and heartbreaking if you would have to sit and get that diagnosis from your doctor. Some of those are incurable; and others can even be deadly! It was bad enough that he'd promised to 'pull out' because I had told him that I was not on birth control then, when he wanted to have sex with me, when we got back together at one point. I had stopped taking the pill because I had no desire to have sex with anyone else, even when we were apart and not back together yet, because I was in love, with him! I ended up pregnant, then, with our son, from that time together. I had never planned to have any kids.

"Lack of commitment", is given as the main reason people get divorced, which women file for, much more often, by far, than the men they are married to. I think that is because males tend to want to have their cake and eat it too. They often want it both ways: to be nurtured by their wife, in marriage, but still play the field, as if they are single. To me, there isn't even any such thing, as 'a little harmless flirting'; unless, you consider dropping a lighted match into gasoline to be 'harmless'. Whether the man sleeps with another woman, or stops somewhere short, of that, he is still engaging in mental, and emotional, infidelity, at the very least, when he carries on with a woman other than the one that he made vows with 'to forsake all others'. I see men as saying whatever they feel they have to say in whatever moment they find themselves in to get what they want from whatever woman they want it from at the time. Very few things seem to be sacred, to men. I often see them showing more commitment to their favorite sport team, than their spouse. Women often get the short end of the deal, and as long as it is her and not him, getting that short end, in the situation, males are often okay with that. Arguments are the second biggest reason that divorce happens. (Remember, that women file, for the majority of those!) She finally gets fed up from getting the short end of the deal and stands up for herself. Also, infidelity is a very close third place, in what causes divorces in our society. Other factors also contribute to women wanting to dump these self-centered sinners they married, including but not limited to domestic violence. I am literally shaking my head, as I am sitting here typing this paragraph, as I recall all the awful, undesirable, problematic, things that men have put me through in my own life, as I am cataloging just some of those things here, for this post. I thank God fairly frequently when I am counting my blessings that I am single without any man in my personal life at all. I work very hard to keep it that way too. My opinion of men is they take way more than they give, and are far more trouble than they are worth, based on my knowledge of them. Believe me, I had wanted it to be different, but, after a lifetime, of interacting with males, and all that I have been through, because of them, I finally realized, that a true miracle of God would be the only way, that I ever could or would allow another one of them into my life, and I made peace with the fact, that, given what I have seen, from men, that is not likely to happen.

I have men acquaintances and friends, to this day. Do I care about them as people? Yes. Do I respect them, for the ways, that they have chosen, to display their maleness, toward me? Not the ones, that so annoy, and irritate, me, by their trying to turn this relationship into something else (sexual, of course!), when I have made it very clear, with every man I know, that I am not interested and am not going there with them. Men have been replaced in my life, by my close relationship with God, and other things which have met my needs, and wants, so much better, and safer, than they ever did! All, of that, has been an upgrade for me, compared to what any and all, males, ever brought into my life, with their presence. I am over men. I don't find them charming, because I see them as so insincere; I don't need their compliments, because those turn out to be attempts at manipulation; most, of them, are not even able to hold an intelligent or interesting conversation with me. My being a very smart woman, they tend to bore me, in a very short time. I don't need to be taken out to eat because I am a good cook, and order in all kinds of food that I enjoy eating that gets delivered right to my door. If a man would argue that going out to eat is about the company, my response would be that the company of a man has not been very fun or fulfilling, for me, enough to tolerate it through a meal. Maya Angelou said "When people show you who they are, believe them!" Men have shown me who they are, and now I have finally come to believe them. Who they are is not anyone, or anything, that I would want, in my private life. They are okay at a distance; being kept at arms length. In a friendship. Delivering my mail or online orders, and then going on their way. Fixing a broken appliance or changing the filter in the HVAC, then getting out of my home. They have their useful purposes.

I also appreciate their contributions to my life as physicians, pastors, and other professionals. I have so many news stories in the back of my mind now though about doctors sexually abusing their female patients; including Larry Nassar, who is now the convicted-- serial-- child molester, that perpetrated that on so many of the trusting, young girls who represented our nation on the USA Gymnastics team. Several preachers and evangelists, who have risen to worldwide fame, over the years, especially on the, Christian, TV networks, due to their powerful preaching skills, and captivating charisma, have also joined the, fallen, ranks, of boys behaving badly. While the Christian community seems to 'turn the other cheek', by keeping all of these men's scandals as 'hush hush', as they can, for as long, as they can, before these sins are exposed, to the light of day, and worldwide media reporting (likely getting God's notice, too, I would think), some of the stories are so sickening, that I wonder how these men could stand and preach, in God's name, in the pulpit, and not truly fear that they would be struck dead, as they stood there in a position of spiritual authority? Do these 'men of God' not think or care, about what their indiscretions do to weaken, and even shatter, the faith, of those trusting in the holy Christian life that these men preach about, when they are deciding, what mistress's vagina, or other men's anuses, they are going to stick their upright cock into; while virtually all of these men have a wife at home? They become a joke, that the TV documentaries delight in displaying, for all to see; and the cause of Christ suffers real damage, because their crap causes people to really wonder, if this God, and the faith, that these men have preached about, is even real, or even makes a real difference, in peoples' lives. (No, I am not 'casting the first stone' at these men; yes, I have a dirty laundry list of sins, in my life, myself. Several of my posts have, and several more will, openly address, my sins, as well. However, this particular post, is about why I, generally, scorn and look down upon the male gender; and while I have been alot of things, myself, at different times in my life, I am, very thankfully, not a male!)  We've also seen news footage, of prominent, male, sports figures, and actors, doing outrageous things, to women and to others, from assault, to rape, to murder! These positions of prestige in our society used to be known for having the heroes, for little kids and good folks to look up to and admire, for inspiration, and role modeling. Not much anymore. Even the most powerful man, in the world, the president, of the United States, acts like a thug!

There seems, to me, to be a certain leaning toward some level of depravity, in males. So many of the things that so many men do are things that, most of us, both male and female, could not picture a female doing! So, why is it then that we, as a society, seem to just accept so much of this shit, that men do? Because, 'boys will be boys' (and, many, males are not men, but boys)? Because our prisons are already way too overcrowded, with them? Because, for whatever the reason, we don't raise them right, hold them accountable, or expect more from them than this? There are news stories about male nursing assistants raping old, feeble, and even drugged or dementia-plagued women, in their own beds, in the nursing homes! Not long ago, there was a report, of a comatose young woman, living in a care facility, that delivered a baby, whose DNA traced back to one of the male attendants that worked there! No matter where I turn my weary eyes, to look, at men, and their actions, and behaviors, it is never difficult, for me, to see, why, one of my biggest heartbreaks in life is seeing how few heroes there are. TV newscasts like to show us the stories of men that do something heroic. Why? Because that stands out so starkly against the greater majority of news stories, that we see every single night on the news, about all the dishonest, destructive, dirty deeds that males are doing with their lives; and to our lives. Men especially, will merely laugh off some of what I am saying here, thinking it is simply funny stuff; but, that very mindset, in many of the males, is the one that I am most concerned about!

I still recall a local news story, from decades ago, of how the Omaha police were patrolling the stock yards here, back then, and shined their light upon a (married) man who was there in the dark, having sex with a pig. I don't know any woman but, especially, not me, I can assure you, that would want a husband like this guy. The trouble is, such behavior is often happening with married men, that appear outwardly to be upstanding men in their community; who even their wives, next to them in the bed each night, have no idea are living this sick, sexual, double life. These men aren't thinking or caring about the animal they do this to, their own health, or their wife's health. The fact that he probably had done that before, and then gone home to the bed with his wife in it, literally nauseates me, with disgust, and horror, but, also, from fear! I would be truly terrified, by this point in my life, given everything I have experienced myself and seen other places, to have a man in my life; especially in my body! There are, actually, even males that are into necrophilia. Can you even imagine, being a male, who is putting his hot-blooded hard-on into somebody's cold, stiff, corpse and ejaculating into that? Just simply watching the nightly news whether local or national (and sometimes international), provides no shortage of shocking stories about the bad behavior of males, even though I don't need more 'fuel for the fire' that burns hot within me, that men are mostly disgusting, untrustworthy, jerks, whom I try very hard, now, to keep out of my private life. Just the things that males have already put me through, in my own life, much of which is being described in my blog posts, about men, such as my father, brother, uncles, cousin, husbands, son, etc., is enough for me to be squeamish about opening myself up further than I have to a personal, vulnerable, relationship with them.

What does the landscape look like, in my life, currently, as far as males that are in my world?
Right now, I have a male neighbor living beside me, who seemed to accept my declaration to him, from when he first met me, that I had no interest, at all, in anything more than friendship with males. He behaved, as if he cared, in that way, for a short while (men usually can't keep this up very long, because it is a propped up, fake feeling, on their part, and, because they're so impatient with us women when their actual target turns out not to be our friendship but our vagina); then, when he felt accepted (which he never really was, by me, anyway because his habits are so unhealthy, etc) he began to repeatedly say to me that he liked being around me so that he could look down my shirt. The guy who had lived across the hall from me who was creating alot of problems here by his using the apartment as a drug den and a flophouse with some domestic violence thrown in, for good measure (making me feel truly terrorized, when I heard that woman's screams), moved out, thank God; but only because he went to jail again. The male neighbor, who lives above me, right now, spent the holiday season of 2018 making excuses and finding reasons to come downstairs, to my apartment. He was around my son's age, so I felt like he was, actually, a friend, and not coming on, to me, at all, as we talked and laughed together about all kinds of things. He liked my sense of humor. It ended though, with him sitting on my couch, by himself, with his coat over his lap, apparently masturbating as we talked, leaving his wet semen on my brand new couch cover (thank God that I had just gotten one!) which no one, but him, had even sat on, at that point; not even me. Because I had been talking to him about Christ (while unbeknownst to me he was apparently jerking off) I took his hands to pray for him when I walked him to the door for him to leave, and I wondered why his damp hands had felt, not just sweaty, but sticky! I gag, even thinking about that, again, now. I only saw his ejaculate, on my new couch cover, after he had left, and I hurried, to the laundry room, to wash it. Following that I ended (what I thought had been) our friendship, but he kept texting and calling me and refusing to accept my decision about that, until I finally threatened  to call the police and get a protection order against him. I can hear him, walking around in his apartment, above me, as I'm typing this sentence. I have some male neighbors that aren't so bad. The guy on one side of my apartment is very (properly) smiling and friendly, greeting me and chatting a bit every time we see one another, outside or in the hallway. Another one asks me if he can help me by taking my trash to the dumpster when he is on the way with his own. There is one, that gave me a Christmas card, maybe the prettiest card I ever got, after I gave Christmas cards out to the tenants, from me, a couple of years ago. That was a tough, tense, holiday season, for me, too (mostly, because of the pervert, living above me, but due to other stresses, as well), so that card meant alot! Some of these guys living here are alcoholics, but at least the neighbor who was kind enough to give me the only Christmas card, I got, after all those I gave out to the tenants in the building, is a happy drunk. I have already described the maintenance man. I won't even get started on the landlord here, since this post is already so long!  >sigh!<  I look around me, at the men that are populating my (view of the) world, and I think to myself, quite sadly actually, "Where have all the heroes gone?" This, is just how it is.

If I'd known, as a young woman, all that I have seen and experienced with males, in this world, I believe: (1) I would have remained a virgin or (2) I would never have given myself to any man that was not willing to truly be my hero, in this life, by his values, integrity, and treatment of me, others, and also animals. The famous pilot 'Sully' Sullenberger spoke in an interview, after 'the miracle on the Hudson' plane landing that he accomplished, that day, about getting 'Hero Sex', from his wife, and how that was 'a real thing'. You bet it is! From the time that we are little girls, females are searching for, and are drawn to, the heroes in their life, starting with their daddy (if they're lucky, and he actually is one, since, many, if not most, fathers don't bother to be this for their little girls; setting them up-- just like it was, for me!-- to settle for much lower standards, in the men that they let into their lives because that was the acceptable standard their own father demonstrated, was available, to them. To us. To me.). I settled for the men in my relationships, and they did not rise, to the honor! They gave me even less than I had settled for, going into it, with them. That is how they repaid me, for my giving them the chance they seemed to so want to have with me. One of the things, that I would tell young girls, who are growing up expecting that someday their prince will come is that many men, no matter how old they live to be, never grow up, into, truly, being men. They remain immature and irresponsible little boys, and a little boy is never going to be up to the task of being anybody's true prince. From disappointment in daddy, growing up, on into adulthood, a woman will hope against hope, that the men in her life will rise, to the challenge, because she has a natural inclination to want the males in her life to be her hero in some way; and her protector. For me, I was amazed whenever my father would simply rise from the couch, where he spent all the years, I was in his life, sitting, in front of the TV. He couldn't be bothered to talk to me, or create a relationship, with me, beyond the simple genetic fact that we were related to one another. He certainly was never my hero. In his failing me in those ways, he set me up-- in the true, textbook, sense-- for what my relationships, with males, would be like, and why those would fail, time and again, until I gave up altogether, and stopped opening up my wounded, fatigued, heart, to what, I became convinced, could only be more impending doom, for me. Males are the biggest disappointment, to me, in my life, and in my world. I would rather not have any in my life at all than have to wonder who they really are, and what they are really doing that I have no idea about, which could affect my wellbeing now. For me, males are simply someone, and something, that I am, mostly, much better off without!
   

* "For you have made him a little lower than the angels, and have crowned him with glory and honor." Psalm 8:5

** Notice that the definition for this word even ascribes the description to being specifically about male behavior! "loutish: (of a man or boy) uncouth and aggressive"!

*** What does 'consume you' mean? To destroy or expend by use; use up. To devour, as prey.

**** dog: a person regarded as unpleasant, contemptible, or wicked.